the beginning of the end

It's a snowy morning here in the DC area. Appropriate, I think, for the kickoff for our frozen embryo transfer, which is scheduled for March 17th. Yup, while you all will be out drinking green beer and donning your "Kiss me, I'm Irish" buttons, I'll be back in the saddle again, so to speak, reuniting with our precious Lucky (the embryo formerly known as Sleepy), after he/she is woken up from a four year long deep freeze.

So, like before, I had my baseline appointment this morning. Same waiting room. Same old song and dance. Same typical report: lining looks good, ovaries look good. Injections commence tonight, and the Shot Man returns.

But, this time is a bit different, because it's most likely our last ARTS procedure. The beginning of the end. I've been going back and forth on whether to type those last two sentences out. Something about writing that makes it seem more...official. Mr. T. and I have discussed it at length, and I *think* I'm at peace with it; but maybe that's because I am holding on to the hope that Lucky is going to make it, and we're going to welcome a third little bundle of joy into our family in nine months. I am pleading with God to breathe life and make that happen. But I am also praying, in faith, for His peace in these next few weeks, and for a heart of thankfulness and praise regardless of the outcome, knowing that He makes all things for work together for our good, no matter what.

Every moment of this season of our lives has been worth it -- even, and maybe especially, the painful ones -- not only because we have the privilege to be Tiger and Dragon's parents, but because of the amazing support and prayers of our family and friends. So, as we start up again, a heartfelt THANK YOU for being there for us and teaching us about real genuine community and how much God loves us through His people. We are so blessed.

frozen

So, things around here have been freezing. Frozen, even. We've had the coldest winter in this area for as long as I can remember.

This blog has pretty much been in the deep freeze as well. I know, I've been terrible at updating this site. I've found myself torn in so many different directions between work, church, and of course, my adorable amazing family. Being queen of this house has been beyond awesome.

But, even if this is the last series of blogposts I do, I've decided to come out of hibernation for a bit, because, my dear friends, we are doing it. We're going back for our last frozen embryo!

!!!!!

We are excited. We are anxious. We're looking forward to being reunited with our last little guy or gal...and it's happening in no less than 6-7 weeks. And, if you calculate it correctly...and I end up pregnant with our last embryo, we will be welcoming yet another November baby, Lord willing.

!!!!!

So. I'm back to document our journey to get Sleepy out of the deep freeze. If you're still there, we'd love for you to join us and pray with us.

hello there. :)

Yep. I'm back. Yes...I know, it's been a minute. More like seven months.

Seven glorious, hard, amazing, exhausting, hilarious, delightful months of being a momma of two.

Of watching this little itty bitty peanut

transform into this big bouncing baby boy.

Of enjoying watching my little only child

become the best and most loving big brother I could've asked for.

And navigating the challenges of going from a family of three

to a more chaotic family of four.

And I've loved almost every minute of it. 

Almost. ;) Because, while it's the hardest thing I've ever done, it's the most amazing experience of my life. And the most rewarding, for sure. And I have the awesomest partner in life to do it with.

While I've been bad about writing here and was kicked off of the BlogHer network for not writing enough (oops)...because, frankly, I'm kind of beyond exhausted, I've been itching a little to get back to recording a little bit of our lives so that I can look back someday and remember these days with our too-quickly growing Tiger and Dragon.

So, I'm back.

I think.

welcome, dragon!

Sorry for being MIA, folks...we were a little busy welcoming Dragon into the world! :) Unlike Tiger's very boring, uncomplicated birth story, Dragon came out with a little bit of drama. So...I've written out his birth story, but I warn you that it is LONG...so I won't be offended if you don't read it. :) So...without further ado.....

After six days of bedrest and 2 false alarm hospital visits, my blood pressure was high and I was measuring at 3 cm and 75% effaced at my late 37 week checkup, so my OB decided to call it quits on the pregnancy. So...at 37 weeks and 5 days, I went to the hospital to be admitted for induction the next morning.

I had sent Tiger off to daycare that morning with an extra long hug and voted in the elections knowing in the back of my mind that I probably wouldn't be coming home that evening.

The next morning, at around 7:00 am, Dr. K. came in and had the nurse start my pitocin drip. He advised me not to get an epidural until I felt "miserable" because epidurals tend to slow down labor. So Tom and I sat around for the next four and a half hours chatting, watching TV, and surfing the web on our phones. The contractions were mild but completely bearable, so I didn't ask for my epidural.

At around 11:30 am, Dr. K. came back and said that he was going to break my water to get things moving along. After he broke my water, my contractions almost immediately started getting significantly stronger and more regular. However, the monitors weren't picking up my contractions while Dragon's monitor showed that he was having decelerations. Dr. K. came back and inserted an internal monitor to make sure that Dragon's decels were coinciding with my contractions.

Once he inserted the monitors it showed that my contractions were, indeed, peaking at the top of the chart and coming very quickly and regularly. At that point, I felt that the monitor readings legitimized my "miserable", so I asked for my epidural. The nurse called anesthesiology and was told that the anesthesiologist was in another patient's room but would be by in about 20 minutes.

My contractions started getting unbearable during the next 20 minutes. When the anesthesiologist arrived, I could barely hold still while she inserted the epidural. She then told me that it would take about 15 minutes for the epidural to kick in, but that the contractions should start hurting less and less.

After she left, my nurse asked if the contractions were getting better. Nope, they weren't. In fact, they seemed to get stronger and stronger as time went by. So, she called Dr. K. back in, who said that, typically, this meant that I was probably ready to push. So he checked me again, but I was only 5 cm. So Dr. K. left, and the nurse called anesthesiology to get more meds ordered for me. No one was answering the phone, so for the next ten minutes or so, I heard her continually trying to get a hold of them.

At this point, I was beyond miserable. Tom had been holding my hand and stroking my hair throughout the contractions, but I no longer wanted anyone to touch or talk to me. All of the sudden, I told the nurse that I thought that I needed to push. She checked me and told me it was time, but to not push until the doctor arrived.

Friends, at this point, I was devastated by this news. I mean...I got my epidural...surely it should have been working before I had to push! Dr. K. came in and almost too cheerfully announced that it was time. I had gone from 5 cm to 10 cm in about 10-15 minutes. I was begging them to get me some more drugs, but the nurses calmly told me that it was time and I needed to breathe deeply and move down.

So...having no other choice, I pushed through the next two sets of contractions. During the fifth push, I heard the phone ring and the nurse laughed as she told Dr. K. that anesthesiology was calling to order more meds. And then, with the sixth push, Dragon was born on November 7 at 12:32 pm, weighing in at 6 lbs. 8 oz. and measuring 21 inches long!

I am still kind of amazed...but I actually gave birth without an epidural! Well...without a working epidural anyway. And while the pitocin contractions hurt like the devil, I have to say that pushing felt almost good in a really weird way. The experience has me seriously contemplating trying to give birth without an epidural if we are lucky enough for our last embryo to stick.

Anyway, we had to go back to the hospital for a few days after we were discharged because Dragon had jaundice.

But, all is well now. Tiger LOVES Dragon and so far hasn't shown any signs of jealousy. This was my biggest worry, and I am so thankful for how gentle and kind Tiger is towards Dragon.

And we've survived the first week...tired, but very very very happy and grateful that we are home together as a family of four.

Praise be to God!

full term...and bedrested, again!

Hello, friends!

I'm happy to report that I'm still here, Dragon is still safe and snug inside, and we are 37 weeks, and 3 days. :)

Unfortunately, on Halloween, Dragon decided he wanted to give us a little scare and we were sent to the hospital after my blood pressure at my regular checkup read high.

You may recall that I was bedrested at 35ish weeks with Tiger for the same reason...but this time, I think being one day shy of full term convinced one of my OBs that it might be best to induce and deliver me that day.

Well...after spending a few hours in triage, my resting blood pressure was "gorgeous" according to my triage nurse, and all my labs came back normal. We even got to see Dragon...and got a 3D ultrasound. He looks so much like his big brother...and looks even more like Tom than Tiger does...if that's even possible!

Well, the end story is that everything looked great, so I was sent home with orders to stay on bedrest. The saddest part of it all was that I missed going to our church's Fall Festival with Tiger and Tom. Tiger dressed up like Spiderman...and I even had a sidekick "costume" for Dragon!

Well, since our little trickster gave us a scare on Halloween, I've been back to the hospital once because of lingering headaches and high blood pressure reads at home. Once more...everything looked great at the hospital. Sigh. So...our little turkey gets to keep cooking - a very good thing in my opinion!

The good news is that my mom is coming in tonight to help out. She was originally scheduled to come in about two weeks, but I think my constant false alarms have her convinced that Dragon is coming any day now. Whatever it is...I'll take it!

And for now...I'll just be laying here, waiting for my little Dragon to come. :)

co-sleeping...

So...I'm not sure how often I talk about this here...but we've co-slept or bedshared with Tiger for pretty much his whole life. You might recall me griping about how miserable sleep-training was going for us...so since I happily gave up that endeavor, Tiger, Tom and I have been sharing our king-sized bed. Tiger, in all of his less than 30 lb. glory takes up about 1/2 the bed, and Tom and I get about 1/4 each. :)

I know bedsharing is not one of those things that most people think is a good thing, because I've been asked over and over again when we're planning on moving Tiger to his own room.

Honestly? There are some nights when I miss being able to sleep sprawled out on our large king-sized bed. Particularly when Tiger is having a rough night. Or, when his diaper leaks and we have to change our sheets AGAIN. Or, when Tiger annoyingly (and usually unconsciously) pulls my hair as a comfort mechanism. We have lots of conversations about it when he's awake and trying to pull my hair, where he agrees that he's not supposed to pull my hair, takes his hand away, and then tentatively brings it back towards my head. We're working on that during awake time, but try reasoning with a mostly asleep toddler! :P

But....I love sleeping with my baby. There are lots of different theories out there for the benefits of co-sleeping, so I'll not list them here. But I'll tell you why I love it. Night times are the sweetest...we read, we sing, we pray, we snuggle. Mornings are precious...he wakes up and gives me the biggest smile and the best kisses. And, usually, in between, a cute little toddler will sleepily find his way into my arms and we both will sigh happily. The bottom line is, I wouldn't trade these short years of togetherness for the world. Because, like all good things, they will come to an end.

So...what's the million dollar answer to the question of when?

Whenever Tiger decides he wants to move to his own room.

And on that day, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. And it will be coming from my room. You can almost certainly count on it.

Of course, Dragon's arrival now complicates our situation, and it scares the crap out of me. I've been researching the interwebz about how to co-sleep with an infant and a toddler. There are mixed responses out there. In real life, people have told me it's just not going to work. In my mind, I'm wondering if we're going to have to make Dragon move to his own room if the boys wake each other up every night...since, it's easier to not have to deal with the emotional consequences of the one who actually is aware of what is going on. Then that breaks my heart...because I can't imagine making my itty bitty baby sleep alone. And I don't want to miss all those wonderful times Tiger and I have had because Dragon's in his own room.

So...the plan for now, is to sidecar the crib...you know, the one that Tiger slept in all of five or six times...to my side of the bed and let Dragon sleep there until he's old enough to bedshare, or until the boys decide they want to sleep in their room. And pray. Pray hard. Pray that this is going to work out and we'll be one big happy, co-sleeping family.

Frankly...this is the stuff I've dreamed of...and I'm ever so grateful I have the opportunity to stress out about it! So...stay tuned. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

34 weeks :)

Dragon is 34 weeks today! (Yikes! It's been almost a month since my last post!)

I'm in pain, friends. Pain. Everywhere.

I'm not going to lie. I want this to be over soon. Well...soon as in no less than 3 weeks from today.

But...I know this could be my last pregnancy. I'm hoping not. But it could. So...I'm praying that I can manage to not only not complain but to enjoy what little time left I have as a pregnant momma.

Now that the cool fall weather is here -- with a vengeance, I might add -- I can finally swap out Tiger's summer clothes for his fall clothes. And that means I must face the reality that Dragon is coming very soon and pull out, wash, and put away his clothes.

Interestingly, Tom and I watched the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" this past weekend, and, in the movie, Cameron Diaz and Matthew Morrison are told they're having a boy at their ultrasound, but end up actually having a girl. I kind of laughed and the felt a pang of panic. I mean, what if Dragon is actually a girl? But I quickly laughed it off. And then, yesterday at work, two strangers said I was carrying like I was having a girl. So that sent me into another tailspin of panic and obsessive googling.

Our ultrasound tech was pretty confident that Dragon is a boy...and, I mean, I saw the goods myself...and the interwebs says that it's more often that the ultrasound is wrong when the tech thinks it's a girl, but it ends up being a boy. But...you never know. So I am going to go into the delivery room with a girl name in my back pocket. You know. Just in case. :D