truly lucky

Heaven has a little more of my heart today. After a roller coaster of emotions last week, where I had three glorious days of positive pregnancy tests, followed by two days of negative pregnancy tests, today's beta confirmed that I am not pregnant. A chemical pregnancy.

I'll be frank -- I've been somewhat of a mess today. I've spent most of the day trying to process my emotions so that I'm not an absolute disaster when my little loves (and my big love, too!) come home. I don't know how I feel about our agreed path forward to not pursue anymore treatments. I don't know if this means we'll try more "natural" methods of conceiving or if we are really truly done trying to add to our family. Those are matters that we're going to have to sort through in the coming days.

The one thing I do know is that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It's hard to say "thank you" for this part of our journey; but I rest in knowing that little Lucky gets to experience the glories of heaven - in that sense, he/she is truly lucky. In the meantime, as a friend put it, I'm looking forward to glorious reunions.

get lucky

Thank you all for your prayers for yesterday's transfer...especially for those who sent emails and texts throughout the day. I'm always overwhelmed by how much God loves us through our family and friends. :)

For those of you who live in this region, you may have correctly guessed that one of our biggest concerns was the late winter snow storm that hit Sunday night into Monday. Unfortunately, because all of the medication is timed, there's no way to really reschedule a transfer once it's on the books. Fortunately, I think my neurotic email to my nurse about the snow, and traffic, and daycare closures made her take pity on me and ask for me to be scheduled later in the day, so our transfer was scheduled for 2:30 pm. :)

So, when we woke up yesterday, snow had fallen everywhere, and Tiger excitedly pointed out that there was so.much.snow. outside, and begged us to go outside to play. Because we knew we'd have to drop off the kids at daycare (bless our daycare owner's heart ~ she agreed to watch the boys while we went to our appointment) and get on the road early, we bundled up the kids and took them outside for a bit. Of course the bundling time took about 20 minutes, which was about 5 minutes longer than the actual playing in the snow time. But, I digress.

And yes...Dragon is sporting pink boots...and Tiger is sporting purple gloves. We never see this much snow around here, so in retrospect, I could have gotten my money's worth, had I actually purchased them legit snow gear, instead of getting bargain basement prices on our yard sale, or accepting hand-me-downs from their noonas...but, I mean, who said boys can't rock pink and purple? :)

So...anyway, Mr. T. and I headed up to Rockville, and surprisingly, because the roads were clear and the Federal government had decided to close due to the snow storm, we actually got there more quickly than usual! I had to laugh because I realized that I tend to freak out about the little details that I really have no control over (like weather), but God even cares for those details...who knows? Maybe He sent the storm so we'd have no delays getting there!

When we arrived, we were escorted back to the exact room where Lucky's big brothers transferred. The doctor, whom I hadn't met before, came in and excitedly proclaimed, "Wow, we just stick embryos in you and you grow them!" Have I mentioned that we are a statistical dream come true for our clinic? Dr. G., our primary doctor had remarked how great it would be to have three babies from one fresh cycle. Time will only tell, and Mr. T. is a bit more optimistic about this than I am, but we are hopeful that will be the case!

In any event...the big news of the day was that Lucky survived the thaw beautifully, with a survival rate of 95-100%, and transfer went smoothly, as we watched again in wonder as Lucky, a beautiful little spark, was transferred in back home with us. Without further ado:

A dear friend asked me how I was feeling yesterday. I can't really describe the emotions, knowing that this part of our family's story is ending. But when I laid in bed last night, with Tiger and Dragon flanking me, Mr. T. dozing away, and Lucky safely snuggled in my womb, I couldn't help but feeling immensely grateful for my life and my family. I just can't believe I get to live this life.

Our blood test is scheduled for 3/31. Until then, I'm praying that God breathes life into and sustains little Lucky. Thank you again for your prayers. We love you so much.

the beginning of the end

It's a snowy morning here in the DC area. Appropriate, I think, for the kickoff for our frozen embryo transfer, which is scheduled for March 17th. Yup, while you all will be out drinking green beer and donning your "Kiss me, I'm Irish" buttons, I'll be back in the saddle again, so to speak, reuniting with our precious Lucky (the embryo formerly known as Sleepy), after he/she is woken up from a four year long deep freeze.

So, like before, I had my baseline appointment this morning. Same waiting room. Same old song and dance. Same typical report: lining looks good, ovaries look good. Injections commence tonight, and the Shot Man returns.

But, this time is a bit different, because it's most likely our last ARTS procedure. The beginning of the end. I've been going back and forth on whether to type those last two sentences out. Something about writing that makes it seem more...official. Mr. T. and I have discussed it at length, and I *think* I'm at peace with it; but maybe that's because I am holding on to the hope that Lucky is going to make it, and we're going to welcome a third little bundle of joy into our family in nine months. I am pleading with God to breathe life and make that happen. But I am also praying, in faith, for His peace in these next few weeks, and for a heart of thankfulness and praise regardless of the outcome, knowing that He makes all things for work together for our good, no matter what.

Every moment of this season of our lives has been worth it -- even, and maybe especially, the painful ones -- not only because we have the privilege to be Tiger and Dragon's parents, but because of the amazing support and prayers of our family and friends. So, as we start up again, a heartfelt THANK YOU for being there for us and teaching us about real genuine community and how much God loves us through His people. We are so blessed.

frozen

So, things around here have been freezing. Frozen, even. We've had the coldest winter in this area for as long as I can remember.

This blog has pretty much been in the deep freeze as well. I know, I've been terrible at updating this site. I've found myself torn in so many different directions between work, church, and of course, my adorable amazing family. Being queen of this house has been beyond awesome.

But, even if this is the last series of blogposts I do, I've decided to come out of hibernation for a bit, because, my dear friends, we are doing it. We're going back for our last frozen embryo!

!!!!!

We are excited. We are anxious. We're looking forward to being reunited with our last little guy or gal...and it's happening in no less than 6-7 weeks. And, if you calculate it correctly...and I end up pregnant with our last embryo, we will be welcoming yet another November baby, Lord willing.

!!!!!

So. I'm back to document our journey to get Sleepy out of the deep freeze. If you're still there, we'd love for you to join us and pray with us.