Not the figurative here, but the actual here. Here. Northern Virginia.
I mean...I grew up in Arizona. People knock it, especially here on the East Coast. I've heard people say it is "fly-over country" or other disdainful things because of what they read in the news about the politics or whatnot. Most of these people have never stepped a foot inside my beautiful home state, which happens to be full of good people. My childhood friends. My crazy beautiful family. To the critics, I sometimes want to say, keep flyin' over. Trust me, the great state of Arizona won't be missing a thing.
And then, I found my second home in Los Angeles. Again, some East Coasters knock Angelenos as "soft" or superficial and shallow. But again, it's beautiful (no...amazing...) and there are some really good people there. Some of my best friends are there. They are amazing. To some peoples' credit...some of them shake their heads when I tell them where I went to school and can't believe I would choose to come out here.
I wonder, too.
My wanderlust led me out of Arizona, and then out of California...and here I am. In Northern Virginia.
And I love it here, I do.
But my heart, it misses home. Not the physical location, but the people.
It grieves me to know that G won't grow up knowing some of the most important people in my life. In Mr. T.'s life.
Having my mom here the past two weeks made that even more apparent to me. I love watching her with G. I love spending time with her. I hate that I see her maybe 2-3 weeks out of the year. If I'm lucky. I see my siblings even less, and my dad even less than that. It makes me so thankful to have one of my sisters and my cousin out here in Nova, but I dread the thought of either of them moving away ever.
And I have these amazing in-laws that I know love us and would love to be near us.
And my extended family. And my childhood and college friends. How I wish our kids could have playdates and grow up together!
And yet...there is my whole life here. Full of people I love, too. Whose kids have grown to be my "nieces" and "nephews." And my wonderful job.
But...it kind of boils down to me wanting to be near my family. All of my family. Like, we-all-buy-houses-on-the-same-block type of nearness. (Well, maybe the same state would suffice. HA!)
Truth be told, if it weren't for my job, I am not sure we'd still be here.
Isn't that crazy?
But really, I don't like my chosen profession, except for my job. I don't think I could find another job in California that would make me happy. And that makes me so very sad.
And so very torn.
{OK...so today's post is definitely a first world problem type of post. Sorry, that I'm acting like a ridiculously spoiled sad panda, particularly on Good Friday. I am thinking of our Lord's sacrifice today and am so thankful. I'm just so hormonal. I miss my family. And I don't want my mom to leave next week. :( }
