ten weeks

Sweet little Happy is ten weeks today! My trusty sources at Babycenter.com say that Happy is just over an inch long, weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, and is through the embryonic stage and into the fetal stage.

Amazing.

I'm just amazed at the miracle of life.

Especially when I look back at the first pics of G and think of the little man who loves to snuggle with me at bedtime.

Happy is just hanging out, growing at lightening pace.

And...so am I. HAHAHA! Oh my word, when they say that you show faster with your second, they aren't kidding! I'm doing my best to "creatively" dress myself so I don't look obviously pregnant, but I've had to pull out a maternity piece here and there. I predict that, in two weeks time, I'll have to pull out the whole wardrobe.

In the meantime, my morning sickness comes and goes throughout the day, fatigue sets in every few hours, and I feel like the worst mom in the world, because they both come to a head after my long commute home. Which means, it takes about all the strength I have left in me to text Mr. T. and ask him to bring some dinner home and then turn on the Fresh Beat Band or Mickey Mouse Club, throw some animal crackers and milk at G, and hope he is content until Mr. T. gets home.

But, oh, what a wonderful life it is. I have the most amazing husband who only slightly rolls his eyes whenever I say, "I'm growing a human, what's your excuse?", the most fun baby boy who is quickly learning to assert himself more and more with the word "nnnnnnnNOO!" and just as quickly learning how to disarm me with his charming smile, and this little itty bitty one inside who I just can't wait to see.

So grateful.

slaying the beast

So...last Friday, I had my final "graduation" appointment from my RE's office. Mr. T. just started a new job and couldn't come, so my little sister, who was visiting from LA, came along.

Frankly speaking, I was half-expecting to not see a heartbeat. I was bracing myself for bad news. And, at one point, I felt bad for inviting my sister to come. Getting bad news at an ultrasound is pretty shocking and, for lack of a better term, awful. Horrible. Ungodly. I'd imagine being there "for the ride" would be, in some ways, even worse. No one should have to sit through those heavy moments when the nurse and doctor shove the ultrasound around, trying to get the baby to move. No one should have to hear and see that her child or nephew/niece is dead. For me to potentially impose that on my lovely sister seemed too cruel. (Sorry, H!)

So when the nurse said, "There's the nice strong heartbeat of 178," I felt like the weight of the world lifted, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

And even though I had that confirmation just a few days earlier, I got nervous again yesterday, when I went to my first OB appointment and waited in the same ultrasound room where, almost two years ago, I heard the words, "I'm sorry, but I can't find a heartbeat for Baby B."

Where I asked, "....is that...bad?", hoping that they'd give me a different answer than the one that I already knew in my head.

Where I lost a part of my heart forever.

Since then, I've realized that I have braced myself for the worst at every subsequent ultrasound.

Pregnancy loss is an ugly beast like that. It destroys your sense of security. It feasts on your anxiety. It mercilessly and relentlessly tries to steal your joy and hope.

And yet, Happy is doing fine. His/her heartrate was 185. And he/she is the cutest, wiggliest little gummy bear.

So, I'm trying my best to just relax and enjoy being Happy's momma.

To not be weighed down by the fear of the what-ifs.

To actually allow myself to get excited and wonder with my doctor if these high heartrates means that there is a little girl in there.

To be grateful for every moment that I get to love this little one on earth.

To slay the vicious, lying beast with Everlasting Truth.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

hormonal

Thank you for all of your congratulations. It's so special to be able to share our joy with you. :)

So...now that the one or two thing is answered...I'm now super curious about whether this baby will be donning pink or blue.

If we just recycled all of our blue stuff, I'd be estatic. I love love love love having my boy. And I would love to have two boys grow up as the best of friends. Well...that would be my hope anyway....

If we needed to supplement our wardrobe with pink (yes, I said "supplement" -- there is NOTHING wrong with a girl wearing perfectly great blue clothes...haha...) how fun would that be? Little dresses and tights. Headbands. Ruffled bottoms. EEEEEE! OK...maybe my girl wouldn't be in blue...haha.

My high betas have me wondering if we do have a girl in there. And Mr. T.'s inkling is pink. He's been spot on about all of our pre-ultrasound questions, so he might be on to something.

Interestingly, I'm not sure if this is hormone-induced, but I get pretty sad and teary whenever I think about G becoming a big brother. He is just so little. Will he understand? Will he be happy? Will he feel replaced? Will he be resentful? Will this just rock his world in a bad way? Will this destroy our happy little family?

Mr. T. doesn't have any of these feelings. My sisters think I'm being silly. Maybe it's because none of them are first-borns and they are really awesome siblings. Maybe it's because, as a first-born, I did (at one time) wonder if my parents kept having kids because I wasn't enough. I mean, I now know that's not true...they kept having more because I am so freaking awesome (hahahahahaha), but you know...those kinds of things just kind of stay with you as a first-born. [Yeah, yeah, I have a soft spot for first-borns. Sue me.]

As a result of all this worrying about G, I feel like I hardly think about or pray for Happy. And I feel really bad. Like I'm already failing Happy as a mom! Like I'm totally unequipped to be a mom again. Like I'm not going to be as loving a mom as I should be. Like I'm being super ungrateful for this new life in our family.

But those are all lies. LIES!

I am so grateful. I am so excited. G will be a great brother. It is wonderful having siblings. Our family is so blessed to be growing again.

I may not be a perfect mother. But, really, who is? I just have to do what I can to show my kids (KIDSSSSS???!!!!) that I love them, but more importantly, that they have a heavenly Father who loves them so much more than I could ever dream of loving them.

And all will be ok.

I just have to remember to breathe and take each step at a time.

And to take my vitamins.

So...yeah, it's been an interesting time for me, emotionally. Hormones. Gotta love 'em.

So, to my mom friends with more than 1 baby...any advice? Words of encouragement? Words of warning and terror? Just kidding about that last one...well, not really...I want to hear it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

one

One strong little diamond ring. One strong little heartbeat. We are in love!

hello, is it me you're looking for?

Oh, hello, morning {or, in my case, afternoon} sickness.

So nice of you to join us.

Have you met my friend, fatigue?

Good times.

be....wait for it....ta!

This morning, I was waiting with beta breath.

Sorry, that was terrible. But when a good pun presents itself, I just can't pass up the opportunity to smack it across the room.

Anyhoodles...I went in for my beta this morning.

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Staring at my resurrected iPhone (huzzah!) and willing it to ring.

And ring it did.

My beta came back at 1315.

1315!!!

Friends...when I was pregnant with G and Elioenai, our first number was 464. Twins typically result in higher numbers. This one is almost triple that number.

TRIPLE!

BUT, my nurse said that sometimes frozen transfers result in higher numbers, she thinks it's a nice strong number. She tried to calm me down and (probably) prevent me from going on Google and researching typical betas.

Yeah, right.

But there is a large range of numbers that are possible for a singleton or twin pregnancy. So, I'm guessing we just have one very strong-willed baby in there...Lord help us. :)

One or two, I'm so excited.

Thank you, Lord, for letting Happy stick around.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm officially, officially pregnant!

4 weeks, 5 days down...35 weeks to go!!!

can't help myself

I'm probably the most impatient person I know.

Except for maybe G.

He is the most impatient person I know.

I know, I know. He gets it from me. He gets all the good stuff from me Mr. T.

Well, against the sage advice of REs and nurses everywhere, I took a home pregnancy test on Tuesday. I mean, for goodness sakes, our clinic (God bless them) is amazing, but they make you wait an ungodly amount of time for their blood tests. WAY longer than most clinics I know.

But, I digress.

Interestingly, I normally would have announced this news with a picture.

But when I was taking the picture of the test with my phone, G started crying and asking me to pick him up. Of course, we were in the bathroom. Of course, as soon as I picked him up, he was already hysterical and, in true "strong-willed" toddler fashion, he arched his back. And, of course, I started to bobble my phone and the baby at the same time.

My motherly instincts (the few I have managed to develop) told me to save the baby. So I had to sacrifice the iPhone.

It was like the scene out of a cartoon. The phone flew out of my hand with the perfect trajectory to land straight into the toilet with one fell plop. My awesome high school physics teacher, Mr. Barber, would be so proud that I remember what a trajectory is...given that I was probably his worst student in the history of time. (Holla, Apollo!!!)

If I had been patient enough to either listen to G screaming, or to take everything out of the bathroom, I might not be in this predicament.

But I'm impatient like that.

Ugh. So my iPhone is in the ICU, aka a bag of rice, in hopes that there was no permanent damage and that the rice will draw all of the moisture out.

Wah. My beloved iPhone. I feel so naked without a phone. So unconnected. I feel like I'm in college again, when my mom told me I couldn't get a pager, even though ALL of my friends had them.

Anyway. I totally digress.

Oh, so you want to know what happened?

TWO. PINK. LINES!!!! That's what happened!

I'm pretty sure I was shaking when I saw it. Shaking with disbelief. Shaking with giddyness. That was the mild earthquake you felt.

Perhaps shaking + holding a screaming toddler + iPhone + toilet is not a good idea. I've filed that lesson away for eternity. You can file it away, too. You're welcome.

Possibly the most freaking expensive home pregnancy test, ever.

But so totally worth it, so that we could tell G that there's a baby brother or sister inside my tummy, and then watch him wave at my tummy, say "baby", and give it the sweetest kisses ever. Sweet kisses that turned into raspberries and farting noises and general silliness. That's how we roll.

Of course, my official blood test isn't until Tuesday. So we were planning on keeping this under wraps until next week.

And yes, I know that the risk of miscarriage is still high until 12 weeks.

You don't have to remind me.

I know.

But I'm impatient like that.

And I covet your prayers like that.

And I want to celebrate Happy being with us every second I can.

Just ask Mr. T, who groaned loudly when I said, "So what do you think about the name....?"

Holy.

I'm pregnant!

Oh...and just one more thing...while this blog is totally public, and I don't mind sharing the news with you all...I do have people on Facebook that I would like to wait to share with for various reasons...so, if in doubt, please don't mention anything on Facebook or Twitter until we make an official announcement. :) Thanks!!!

signs...or not...

Dear Grant,

Won't you come out to play?

I had a dream last night that my water broke.  I was estatic.  That was my first labor dream.

That's gotta be a sign, no?

I bought your stroller today.  I have been waiting patiently for the 2011 model to come out, and lo and behold, on a very short trip to Babies R Us, I snagged the only 2011 model they had...which had just come in this morning.  It was even in the color we wanted!

That's gotta be a sign, no?

Grant, your mommy is going nuts on day 20 of bedrest.  Today, I caught myself having a conversation with Scout.  I asked her to try and persuade you to come out.  She looked at me knowingly, and then rested her head right where your heart is....

That's gotta be a sign, no?

At the very least, it's a sign that I'm losing it when I think Scout and I are having meaningful conversations.

Come out and play, little one!  There are lots of us out here who'd like to meet you!

Love,
Mommy

38 weeks: i wanna hold your hand

Your baby has really plumped up. He weighs about 6.8 pounds and he's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). He has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Yup.  Still here.  G seems to be really comfy here in my uterus.

I've obviously lost track of time, because I thought I was on day 10 of bedrest.  It's actually day 17 of bedrest.  I'm glad we're still here, because week 38 is when the risks of cerebral palsy significantly decrease and, for the most part, all of Grant's organs are fully formed. 

But I'm having a hard time sleeping.  People say it's my body's way of preparing me for the sleepless nights ahead.  I can't say that it's comforting, but at least I know I won't be sleeping through Grant's cries for feedings and diaper changes.  I can't say as much for Tom, who seems to be able to sleep through anything.

In the meantime, I am still here.  Watching Korean videos that my cousin sent me (thanks, Susie!) and hanging out with the Scouters, who has resigned herself to the fact that I just am not able to play with her.  I'm worried that this bonding time, where she and I are just laying on the couch together all day, is going to make her transition to welcoming Grant that much harder.  We've had a couple of visitors bring their kids by in the past couple weeks, and she's just loved all the kids...so it makes me happy to know that she'll be good with Grant.

Oh...and I forgot to mention that we have an official induction date.  I go in on the evening of the 23rd, and will probably give birth sometime on the 24th.  The nice thing about Grant staying in until then is that my mom will definitely be here when he's born.  If not, we'll just have to get her here on the soonest flight available after I go into labor.

I'd sure like to meet this kid and hold his hand soon, though.  :)

checklists

Anyone who knows Tom well knows how much he loves lists.  No...he LOVES lists.  I've never met anyone who loved crossing tasks off as he completes them as much as he does.

So, whenever we have something to do, or I ask him to do something, he puts it into list form.  We have post-its and notepads, as well as electronic Google docs, with lists everywhere that cover just about everything in our lives.  Naturally, when we were talking about packing our hospital bags several weeks ago, Tom sent me a Google docs spreadsheet with all of the stuff we need.

I'm actually not really a list maker; I'm more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and do things as I remember them type of gal, but I must say that I've grown to really appreciate Tom's lists.  So, when Tom sent me that hospital bag list, I obliged and happily added random things that I've read online as helpful items....like Depends.

Yes.  I said Depends.  As in, the adult diapers.  It was humiliating packing those last night.  But I've read that there's quite a bit of bleeding after delivery, and sometimes it's easier to just wear depends than wear big pads with uncomfortable undies.  Sorry if that was TMI.

Anyhoo...while we're on the topic of lists, you can see that we've checked off a big to-do: pack the hospital bag. :)  We were putting that off because I just figured we could.  But the reason why we decided to do it last night was because, at my appointment yesterday, it was evident that my body is completing its own checklist on its road to labor.

I'm a full centimeter dilated!

So, the doc wanted to help things along and he stripped my membranes.  Ouch.

And last night I passed my "bloody show" or mucus plug.

In the meantime, the occasional contractions continue.  But nothing constant or anything....so nothing to get hyped up about.

All signs of labor.  Or not.  Dr. Google indicates that some women have these symptoms for hours and give birth, while others wait weeks.  So I'm not holding my breath.

Oh...and the pre-scheduled induction date is 11/24...the eve of Thanksgiving, so maybe my initial thinking about eating turkey in the hospital was right on!

Although...Dr. H. did say, "See you next week, unless something happens before then!"  Yikes.

So...I went and checked something else off my list.  I got a pedicure.  'Cause I know that it ain't gonna be a pretty sight anyway, but I felt like I shouldn't subject my poor nurse, doctors, and Tom to ugly feet during labor. :)

So, I'm still here.  Still on bedrest.  Still waiting to cross off more of these labor signs off the list.

37 weeks: thank-full term

Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if you're planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, your practitioner will schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason to intervene earlier.)

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

I have a couple of reasons to be full of thanks today.

First, it's my daddy's birthday.  He's the best dad ever.

Here's a pic of him and his oldest sister before I was even born.  Aren't they so cool and adorable???

And a pic of him, with his oldest daughter (that's me!) and his son. Nice face, Joshy.

Don't I have a really handsome daddy?  Happy birthday, Appah!  I love you!!!!

Second, Grant is officially full term!  Hooray!  This means that he can come out now and I can breathe a sigh of relief. :)  I have an appointment tomorrow, so we'll see what the doctor says about induction or continued bedrest.

I love all the men in my life....and can't wait to introduce my new little man to all of them!

Thank you, Lord, for bringing us to full term! :)

36 weeks: boo!

Your baby is gaining about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. He's shedding most of the downy hair that covered his body, as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that protected his skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Next week, your baby will be considered full-term. Most likely he's in a head-down position, but if he isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an external cephalic version, where she'll try to turn your baby by manipulating him from the outside of your belly.

Happy Halloween, folks!

This is my second year in a row being bedridden on Halloween--last year, it was because I had some form of the flu.  That was fun.  

And this year, I'm not at the door handing out candy because, unfortunately, I don't look pretty.  I think I need to make an effort from now on to make myself presentable, because I literally scared myself when I just looked in the mirror--and nope, I'm not wearing a costume.

So, Tom has candy man duty, and he's loving it.  He so cheerfully greets the little kiddies when he opens the door and it literally makes me melt.  

And I can't wait until next Halloween because we'll get to dress up our own little trick-or-treater!  I'm kind of a mean mommy, so I may have to subject my Scoutie to costume torture to match Grant's outfit.  Heh.  At least we'll get cute pictures!!! 

confessions of a modified bedrested lawyer

I have some confessions today.

I don't know what modified bedrest means.  My doctor said I can work from home but, beyond that, I don't know what that means.  Can I clean?  Can I do laundry?  Can I run (calmly and slowly, of course) to the grocery store?  Can I go to Target and just pick up some last minute stuff?

I always seem to clamp up and have no sense to ask questions that I should ask whenever I go to the doctor's office.  Especially if I hear something unexpected.  That's why I'm such a brilliant lawyer.  I spent a buttload of money to go to law school, and apparently didn't learn basic lawyering skills...like asking questions and thinking quickly on your feet.  And that, my friends, is why I have no idea what modified bedrest means.

After we left our doctor's appointment on Wednesday...you know, the one where she told me to go on bedrest...I went into a frenzy.  We went to Babies R Us and Costco to pick some things up, our dear friends' house to have dinner, and the mall so I could pick up a backordered shelf from Pottery Barn Kids.

Yeah...in retrospect, that's probably not what my doctor meant when she said I should go on bedrest.

I carried a load of laundry to do from Grant's room this morning.  I should've put it all in a basket last night and had Tom carry it down before work, but I didn't.

I didn't because I was watching the Suns game last night.  Which causes me all sorts of anxiety at times.  Probably not the best idea when you're trying to manage your blood pressure.

I know I'm supposed to just kick back and relax.  I know I'm supposed to, because the most important task before me for the next few weeks is to make sure I don't give my doctors any reason to induce me or Grant an excuse to show up to the party early.

In fact, when I asked my AWESOME boss if I could work from home, he readily agreed but asked why I'd rather not be stressed and just take sick leave for the rest of my pregnancy.  Fortunately, things aren't too stressful at work now, and I would rather save up my leave to spend with Grant later.

But, yeah, I know.

But I also want to go to that small group dessert party, and my dear friend's 30th birthday bash, and Target.

Sigh.  I should just call and ask my doctor what she meant by modified bedrest.  I have a feeling I'm not going to like her answers.

My puppy is now chewing her nails.  I just yelled, I mean, firmly told her to stop.  That's a bad, disgusting habit.  I guess she does some other disgusting stuff, like groom her eh-hems with her tongue.  I shouldn't stress out about it.  Yeah...that was my last confession of the day.

I'm gonna try to take it easy now.  If it makes you feel better, my feet were elevated the entire time I composed this post. :)

be careful what you wish for

So....we had our 35 week appointment yesterday.

I wasn't expecting anything "exciting" to happen. 

In fact, I was complaining to my coworkers about how useless I feel like some of these appointments are--you just go in and give a urine sample, they take your weight (I hate that part), they take your blood pressure, measure you, ask you if you have any questions, and send you on your merry way and say, "See you in x weeks!" 

Usually, these appointments take, oh...5 minutes.

All was good and dandy, until the nurse looked at me and said, "Wow, your blood pressure is really up today."

Sigh.  I was hoping this day wouldn't come.  In fact, the day before, my cousin and I were discussing her pregnancies and our family history of preeclampsia, and I said, "I think I'll be okay...my blood pressure's been great so far!"

Then she told me, "Yeah, my blood pressure was great until 35 weeks."

Dun dun dun!!!!!!!

Sure enough friends, it looks like this apple didn't fall too far from the family tree. 

So...my doctor did all the comprehensive measurements - as she felt around, she said, "Grant has dropped already. And wow, Grant is a pretty good size!  I'd estimate around 7 lbs.!"

I asked what "normal" is around now...and she said 5 lbs.  Great.  My child is a humongous mongloid.  I'm gonna blame Tom's genes for that, 'cause I was only 5 lbs. 5 oz. when I was born.  Tom has no idea how much he weighed.  So he gets the blame.  HAHA.

Then she measured "down there" and said I'm 60% effaced and .5 dilated.  She took my resting blood pressure again and it dropped to 100/64.  Hallelujah!

However, she said, given the way my body responds to rest, she wants me to go on modified bedrest.  She asked me to not come into the office anymore (even though I sit at my desk all day!) and wrote me a doctor's note.  I have to talk to my boss today and hopefully he'll agree to let me work from home.

My doctor doubts that I will go the full 40 weeks, is hopeful we can stick it out a few more weeks, but wouldn't have any qualms about taking him in the next week if my blood pressure gets worse.  It's funny that, in yesterday's post, I was wishing for this pregnancy to be over already...because in a matter of minutes, that feeling evaporated and I prayed that Grant could stick it out until at least November 7, when he's full term.

After our appointment, Tom and I were sitting in the car, and he asked, "So...what does this mean?"  For him, it's making sure the car seat is installed and running some errands for me.

For me, I think it means I need to stay home for a couple of weeks.  :(

For all of us, it means Baby Grant watch is officially on.  He could come any day, folks.  And it looks like we're going to have a November baby for sure!  If you have a moment, please pray that he stays put until November 7.  :)

10 miler

Have you ever run a 10-miler?

I have.

Yeah, it's something I'm extremely proud of.

Not because it's a remarkable accomplishment.  In fact, it's nothing compared to what my sisters have done--they've run marathons!  Of that, I am in awe and I bow down.  Here's a pic of them after they finished the 2010 Chicago Marathon:

Aren't they hot?  I mean, folks...they took this pic after they ran 26.2 miles.  They obviously got the good genes in the family. :)

But I digress.  Get to the point, Tina.

I was thinking about the 10 mile race I ran in a couple of years ago.  If you know me, the fact that I actually ran and finished that race is a big freaking deal because I used to hate running.  With a passion.  I can't say that I love it now, but I can now appreciate why people run.

Of course, the main motivation in my training for the race was the fear of God....well, no, actually it was the fear of being so slow and getting picked up by the bus of shame. 

Like most of my runs, the first mile or two of the race were pretty miserable.  I wanted to stop, turn around.  Then I got into a good pace and I was feeling pretty good.  I thought, "Hey, this ain't so bad!  I can do this!"

Then came miles 8 and 9.  Oh my word...those were some dark miles.  My feet started hurting, and I just did not want to finish.  I just wanted to be done.  I wanted someone to just pick me up and get me over the finish line.
  
In many ways, the feelings I felt during my 10 mile run are pretty similar to this pregnancy.  I ain't gonna lie.  I've been having a hard time with pregnancy this past week, and I feel like I'm on miles 8 and 9.  Aches and pains, fatigue, boredom...they've all set in, and I'm ready to just get this baby out!  But I know that I need to push through these miles...because without them, I can't get to mile 10.

And I remember mile 10, too...along that last mile, they tell you how far you are from the finish line...1200 yards, 800 yards, 400 yards, and you see the finish line.  Right when we saw the finish line, I remember running up a slight hill and thinking, "NOOOOO!"  But I did it.  And at the end of the race, I felt awesome.  And ate a banana.  And I didn't even spot the bus of shame!

I think we're approaching mile 10.  Just gotta push through the dark miles.  :)

35 weeks: showered with love

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

Folks...I'm pretty sure that I've said this before, but I don't know if I can say this enough: I am a blessed woman.  Like unbelievably beyond blessed.  I have friends and family that people can only dream of. 

You may recall that, back in July, Tom and I took a trip back to California, where our sisters and friends threw us a co-ed shower/bbq.  Unfortunately, I don't have pictures from that shower...so I haven't been able to share them here, but I had SUCH a great time meeting up with my West Coast lovies.

This weekend, as G turned 35 weeks, my sister and friends threw me a wonderful shower for my East Coast lovies. 

But because the shower was at my house, Tom and my hostesses conspired to let me enjoy one last weekend out...date night in DC!

We stayed at the W, aka Hotel Washington.  Swanky, I tell ya.

The hotel overlooks the Department of Treasury and the White House...it has amazing views and is a popular night spot in DC.  But...we went before sunset, just to take a quick peek.



We dined at the famous Old Ebbitt Grill, and then took a stroll.  We stopped by the White House to say hi to the First Family.

Then we went to the DC Improv to see Steve Byrne.  He was funny.  :)

Afterwards, we got back to the hotel and I just passed out from exhaustion.  Third trimester exhaustion has officially set in folks!

After 11 hours of sleep, we headed back to our humble and definitely not swanky abode in Virginia, where my lovely hostesses were getting everything ready.  Here they are, Jennifer, Allison, Grace, Gloria, Hannah, and, my sister, Jen.  Not pictured is my dear friend Suna, who is enjoying a well deserved vacay in Korea after taking her boards.

The afternoon started out with a prayer. 

I started tearing up during the prayer, because these ladies have been our prayer warriors throughout our journey.  And, if you recall, many of these ladies were at the prayer meeting right after the egg retrieval and before the embryo transfer.  God has been so gracious in providing us with such a wonderful family of believers.

Then we had a time of feasting.  The spread and the decorations were just beautiful.

My family and friends are beautiful, inside and out.  Seriously.  I know a lot of people say that, but it's particularly true of my friends.  They are also very generous....I was so blown away....

And here are the favors...Grace's famous choco chip cookies and her awesome handwriting.  They slay me.

And I can't end this post without giving credit to the awesome photog, my dear cousin Jeannie, who is just adorable in so many ways.  I love her.

I also love love love those big yellow balloons.  I imagine taking pics of Grant holding a big yellow balloon someday.  :)



34 weeks: 100th post!

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.


I can't believe it...this is my 100th post!  I originally started blogging to keep friends and family updated on our IVF process, and now it's been mostly to keep people updated on Grant's growth and a little random rambling here and there.  100 posts later and we're just weeks away from meeting Grant!  Woohoo! :)


I'm sitting at home today after a trip to Costco and starting my first of many loads of laundry just for Grant!  It's so surreal.  I just feel like so much of this is so surreal.  I feel Grant every day.  I've seen him move in the ultrasounds.  And yet, somehow--this new title of "mom" just doesn't seem very real.  It's hard to feel like I belong in Babies 'R Us or the baby aisle at Target.  When I step into the nursery, it feels like I'm walking into someone else's house.  I just feel like an impostor or something.


Weird, right?


Anyway....thank you for reading my blog and keeping up with the Ros.  If you've read all 100, you get a gold star and big virtual hugs and kisses from me.  :)

labored breathing

We had our first birthing class tonight.  It was an interesting experience, especially because I'm starting to become really fearful about labor and delivery.

I learned a few things, though.

1. If the relaxation breathing during labor is anything like what we practiced tonight, I will be cracking up hysterically, because my husband cannot seem to be serious about anything.  (I think we annoyed our very serious post-partum nurse classmate because I could not stop laughing.  Yes, Nurse Kacie, we are immature.)

2. Tom is a beast and his "tender" massages probably left bruises on my arm, so we're going to have to practice the concept of "gentle."

3. No mirror, thank you.

4. EPIDURAL IS MY FRIEND!

:)

33 weeks: a big ball of hormones

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

To celebrate today's milestone, we took our hospital tour today.  Even though I've been pregnant for 33 weeks, it was totally surreal. 

When we were in the labor and delivery room and the nurse was talking about what happens during and right after birth, she said that our baby is going to be cold, and the lights are going to be bright, so that daddy should walk over to the area where he's being cleaned and talk to him to soothe him because he'll recognize his voice.  Then she explained how he'll be alert in the first hour after, so I should feel free to unwrap him and put him directly on my skin, so that we can bond.  I started tearing up and had to do everything in my power to not cry a big fat ugly cry--'cause if I let myself, I think I could've ended up on the floor wailing.  Seriously. 

Oh geez--how embarrassing would that have been?

I cannot believe we're actually going to have a baby.  It's something I just took for granted before we met the nasty infertility monster, but the fact that, after 4 years of hoping and praying, we could be holding our son in a mere month and a half just blows me away. 

And this little one...the one that I've had all to myself for the past 33 weeks...I'm going to have to share him with this big, bright, sometimes cold world.  I don't know how I feel about that--happy and sad...excited and scared...ready and totally, absolutely, most certainly, not ready.

Ok...I'm gonna go have that big ugly cry now.

P.S.  Mommy resisted and saved the cupcake for Appah.  Isn't she so nice? :)

32 weeks: bouncin' along

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). His skin is becoming soft and smooth as he plumps up in preparation for birth.

Hello friends!  We had our 32 week check-up yesterday and everything seems to be going well.  Frankly, up until this point, I think that these visits have been kind of useless...they weigh me, take my blood pressure, make me give a urine sample, ask me how things are going, I say "fine" and then they say, "okay, come back in x weeks."  I think I could do most of that on my own.  Oh well...I guess I am just saying that because, aside from our little early scares, things have been pretty uneventful so far.

Anyway, because there are 6 OBs at the practice I go to, they could all potentially deliver G, so I have to meet all of them.  I met Dr. W. yesterday and she saw me walking down the hall before she came into the room, and when she came in, she said, "Wow--you look so happy!  You were just bouncin' along!"

What can I say?  I am happy.  I don't know why, but I've gotten that reaction lately. I guess people expect a huge huge huge pregnant lady to be miserable, uncomfortable and hormonal.  It's not that I'm not uncomfortable.  I am.  It is tough lugging around extra weight and having a little person kicking you in the ribs.  And it's not that I'm not hormonal.  I am.  Just ask Tom. :)

But miserable?  No.  I've said it before, and I will say it again--I love being pregnant.  I wish I could do it 5 or 6 more times (to Tom's dismay...hahaha).

Calm down, folks.  We're not going to do it 5 or 6 more times. 

Heck, I'm afraid we're not going to be able to do it even once more.

But that's why I'm loving every minute of this pregnancy--even during my most uncomfortable and hormonal days--it may be our only shot to enjoy this miracle.

And, because I remember what miserable felt like.  And this...is not miserable.

Ok--I'll stop, before this post starts spiraling downward into a Debbie-downer post (wah-wah), and I will end with a happy thought: Since G now has fingernails and hair, I did what any responsible mother would do on such a momentous week...I got a pedicure and my hair done.  Heehee. :)