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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

it's officially over...

In the midst of weaning, I complained to a friend about how stressful it was to wean a baby who was "addicted to nursing" and had started being able to express his desire to nurse. I said, "I wish he would just wean himself -- rejection would be so much easier than this guilt I'm feeling!" She responded by saying that once the weaning period ended, or in her case almost ended, he would reject me and it would hurt my feelings.

I thought, "C'est impossible!" Not my baby. Not my baby who loves nursing!

Yes. It's possible. To test her theory, last night, I tried to see if he would remember and nurse again. He smiled, pretended he was going to nurse, and then pushed me away.

Undeterred, I tried again.

He pushed me away again. He *may* have screamed in anger that time.

WAH!!!!

That was me crying, by the way. He happily drank his milk when I let him have his sippy back. C'est la vie. He doesn't need me for milk anymore. Well, actually, he does need us to buy the milk. Which he drinks by the bucketfuls. Do you know how much bucketfuls of organic milk costs, people? Do you? Do you?

But, I digress. The point of this already long blog post was to answer Samantha's questions on my last post about my weaning experience. So...without further ado, here goes (Samantha's comments/questions are bold):

I am so happy to hear that it went relatively easily. Well...I think relatively easy is not the term I would use. To be frank, I've been trying to wean since early October. Since I work out of the home, I had slowly dropped my pumping sessions from four (!!!!) to none over 3 weeks. The problem was, though, that Grant was nursing MORE when I got home from work, through the night, and on the weekends. There were weekend days where he'd want to nurse every 2 hours. I felt like we were back in the newborn stage! It took me a while to figure out, though, that while it may have been because my supply was dipping, it really was more because he needed the comfort and bonding time. I think he was learning to walk during this period, so I think his mind and body were just going into overdrive.

The next stage of weaning started around the third week of November, by dropping the night feedings. This was HARD. As you all may remember, we co-sleep. Which makes dropping night feedings THAT MUCH HARDER. But, I realized he really wasn't drinking at night, it was more for comfort than hunger. So...I was ok with not offering any milk during that time. Basically, the first night, he woke up oh...approximately every hour, wanting to nurse. Tom, bless his heart, really wanted to help comfort him, but my beloved sleeps through anything. And I mean anything. Including a screaming baby, sitting up, crawling between my beloved and me. So, I held a pillow to my chest (in a futile attempt to block the smell of milk, but in a successful attempt to block G from getting to the milk), and I shushed and comforted him through what seemed like a billion minutes of blood-curdling screams. And he would eventually tire out and go to sleep. After 3 nights, where the wakeups decreased to one, we successfully completed this stage! He still wakes up once a night, but now, I'll pull him over and we'll snuggle and, usually, he'll put his hand on my face and fall back asleep. *heart melter!*

Next, I dropped the mid-day feed and offered him whole milk in a sippy. Cold milk. I thought about trying to offer him warm milk, but I really did not want to get him used that -- and daycare only offers cold milk. He really really hated this stage. Like, throwing the sippy on the floor, angry crying, flinging his body everywhere. At first, I kept trying to offer it to him while he was mad, but that just made him angrier. Then, I realized he was just way too upset to even think about drinking from his sippy. So I poured it in a bottle and, after he calmed down, I offered it to him. And he took it! I did need to get him used a sippy for daycare, so we eventually transitioned to sippy. Three days into it, I dropped the evening feed. This was surprisingly super easy. He would drink his sippy for about 20 minutes, while playing with me and Appah, and then he'd roll over and go to sleep. Three days later, I dropped the morning feed, which was the hardest because it is the one I think G loved the most. But I snuggled him and offered him a sippy, and voila! We were done!

Did you have any problems with engorgement or anything? Hmm...I think because my body had regulated itself and was a super efficient milk-producer, the engorgement wasn't as bad as if I had stopped when my body was ramping up its supply. However, the first couple of days, I had to hand express some because I was in pain. I definitely leaked a lot, so have a lot of breast pads on hand! I've heard peppermint tea or Altoids (because they have peppermint extract in them) help, so I was popping those. I'm not sure if they actually helped, but I had really fresh breath! ;) I was still in mild pain and the girls were really tender for about a week (which only really hurt when G occassionally flung himself onto me while we were laying in bed).

Had he slowed down prior to this? As I mentioned before, nope. He was still nursing on weekends all.the.time. However, what I noticed was that as soon as we were getting ready to do the hardcore weaning, he started eating a lot more solids. He had always eaten solids but never so heartily! And as soon as weaning ended, it seemed like he was an eating machine! He also never took more than 4 ounces of breastmilk out of a bottle, but now he can drink at least 6 or more ounces at a time. I'm not sure if this is just a coincidence because he turned one around the time I decided to wean, but it convinced me that we made the right decision to nurse until at least one year.

Well, that does it for Samantha's questions. I'm so glad she asked me because I think it'll be helpful for me to look back on it if I ever am so lucky to breastfeed another baby. The main piece of advice would be to only do it when you are emotionally ready, because it requires quite a bit of resolve to get through the tears and guilt. People said that I would feel free once I weaned, but honestly, I don't really feel free. I still feel sad about it. I would've nursed for a while longer, but I know we are doing this to be able to say we gave G the best shot we could at a sibling. I will say that I'm excited for the FET (but AF doesn't want to show - darn her!) and although I feared that my baby and I wouldn't snuggle, I was totally wrong. He seems to give me random hugs even more now, and they seem even bigger and warmer than before. And I.love.them. :)

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

thanks for the memories...

Actually, I wanted to title this post "thanks for the mammories" but didn't want to scare you off just from the title. ;) But, in case you haven't guessed yet, Operation Wean is officially complete! Not without tears and tantrums and meltdowns (from momma and baby), but we did it! And G is officially off bottles and breast, and onto big boy whole milk sippy cups. The morning feed was always our most important feed, so it was the last to drop, and today was the first time I didn't nurse him at all.

There was weeping and gnashing of teeth, for sure, but Appah came to the rescue with a sippy cup of milk in hand (I love that guy) and G took it and drank it like the big boy he is now. I couldn't help but feel a little sad, but I think I felt more proud at that moment. As G lay in the crook of my arm, and I patted him, I said over and over, "Good job, guy! What a big boy!" and I felt so thankful for 13 wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) months of nursing. It started out pretty rough, and I didn't know if I would even make it through two months of breastfeeding...then I said I wanted to make it through maternity leave, then 6 months, then I went through a frantic period of emotions as I tried to decide whether or not to wean early to get started on our FET, and then decided to relax and give G a year of breastmilk.

Wow -- what a year! And what an experience! A beautiful experience. PLEASE LET ME BE CLEAR: It's definitely not one of those things you need to bond with your child; but I'm so glad I got to share it with G. We tackled our first mountain and totally enjoyed the journey...eventually, at least. And we got through the rough valley of trying to wean. And now, we go onto bigger challenges and mountains as we find new ways to bond as momma and son.

In addition to his big boy sippy cup stage, he's also now in the 1s room at his daycare, and he's adapted like a champ. I was a little worried because he had THE BEST teachers in the whole wide world in his infant room, and his BFF had a rough transition to 1s a month ago, but when I went to pick him up yesterday, he was all smiles, dances, and cuddles. I'm so thankful for his easy-going personality.

He's also becoming quite the walker! He started taking steps about 3 weeks ago, and now he's getting steadier...a short video of this new feat:


Yah...he pretty much melts my heart with that smile whenever he falls into my arms after a walk. And then we clap and cheer for him. *We* being me, Appah, and G. The boy is such a ham!

I guess you might be wondering what the dealio is on the FET front. Let's just say that we're praying that the fall of 2012 will bring us a new bundle or two of joy. :) More to come...but in the meantime, please pray for AF to come soon, and for her to come back again soon thereafter so we can get this show on the road!

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

bhbc review: the lake of dreams

Well, I'm doing it again -- participating in the BlogHer Book Club, that is -- and today, the book club is launching a discussion about The Lake of Dreams, Kim Edwards' (author of The Memory Keeper's Daughter) newest novel.

Photo credit: Amazon
The Lake of Dreams is the story of Lucy Jarrett, a 20-something year old woman, who, after her father died suddenly the summer before she left for college, had traveled the world, leaving her home, The Lake of Dreams, behind. Lucy is an unemployed hydrologist, living with her boyfriend, Yoshi, in Japan. From the beginning of the novel, she appears to be haunted by her past, and when she receives word from home that her mother has been in a minor accident, she decides, at Yoshi's urging, decides to visit home.

Lucy returns home, surprised by the many changes in her family's lives and the town, and reconnects with her childhood sweetheart, Keenan. She accidently uncovers hidden almost century-old documents in the house, and, intrigued begins researching a long-forgotten relative. Throughout the novel, she struggles with her relationship with her family and her feelings about Keenan and Yoshi, even as she becomes engrossed in her search to find out about her mysterious relative. 

I was really excited to read this novel, because I really enjoyed Kim Edwards' previous bestseller, "The Memory Keeper's Daughter." For the most part, the mystery, the family relationship and the romance kept me interested in the novel. However, I will say that there were times where I felt like Edwards included too much detail that slowed the pace of the plot. Nonetheless, I liked the overall story and...on a scale of 5, I'd give it a 3.5 stars. :)

Note: I was compensated for this review as a part of the BlogHer Book Club program, however, the opinions are entirely my own.
 
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