truly lucky

Heaven has a little more of my heart today. After a roller coaster of emotions last week, where I had three glorious days of positive pregnancy tests, followed by two days of negative pregnancy tests, today's beta confirmed that I am not pregnant. A chemical pregnancy.

I'll be frank -- I've been somewhat of a mess today. I've spent most of the day trying to process my emotions so that I'm not an absolute disaster when my little loves (and my big love, too!) come home. I don't know how I feel about our agreed path forward to not pursue anymore treatments. I don't know if this means we'll try more "natural" methods of conceiving or if we are really truly done trying to add to our family. Those are matters that we're going to have to sort through in the coming days.

The one thing I do know is that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It's hard to say "thank you" for this part of our journey; but I rest in knowing that little Lucky gets to experience the glories of heaven - in that sense, he/she is truly lucky. In the meantime, as a friend put it, I'm looking forward to glorious reunions.