Like, how, this morning, G woke up around 4:00 a.m., a dreadful 45 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, and said "Umma?" ever so sweetly, patted my face, gave me a kiss, started rolling around and chatting up a storm, and then took my finger into his mouth and bit down hard.
"OW!" I exclaimed, "No biting!"
"NNNNNOOOOOO! NNNNNNOOOO!" He happily repeated, giggling and rolling around. In my stupor, I couldn't help but laugh and thank God for this hilarious little rugrat. I pulled him in close for a hug as I do every morning, he patted my face, and we fell back asleep.
Or things like how my baby just LOVES clapping. I mean looooooooves it. After dinner, the Ro household watches "Wheel of Fortune" (which I am amazingly good at...sometimes I can guess the puzzle after 1 or 2 letters...a fact that equally infuriates Tom because I am better at it than he...a rarity!...and has him in a frenzy trying to get us rich by getting me on the show. But, I digress...) and G loves to clap with the contestants and audience whenever they are waiting for the finicky wheel to stop or a contestant has solved a puzzle. It kind of amazes me how he knows the sound of a clapping audience...I mean, does it really sound like clapping to you? I don't know. But...I caught this on video when we were watching the Golden Globes:
Precious. fleeting. moments.
I read a lot of blogs. I read parenting blogs. I read infertility blogs. I read faith blogs. I read funny blogs. I read sad blogs. I read inspirational blogs.
I don't, and this blog, doesn't fit into any of those categories or do any of those genres particularly well.
So...why do I blog? What am I doing here? Does anyone even care about the insignificant details of my life? I have been asking myself that for the past couple of months, trying to figure out whether or not I should shut down this site, or sign off indefinitely.
But then...I got an email from a sweet friend who is a new mom a couple of days ago saying that she had been reading the posts I had written when I was still in my postpartum haze, and that it was helpful. I have another dear friend who also is a new mom who told me once that she likes reading back on some posts because they helped her kind of anticipate what she could expect in pregnancy, labor/delivery and the first few months of motherhood. Aside from the slight embarrassment of knowing that they were reading this horribly written, not-so-great advice, I was so touched that they would even care to read about my experience.
Frankly, I don't think I have any fantastical insight on parenting. There are some super moms out there who seem to have it all together. That is so. not. me. I feel like I'm fumbling all the time. But this is my little corner of the interwebz, and so I suppose I get to say it like I see it. And how I see it is this: life is messy and hard and beautiful and breathtaking and hilarious, and it's all going to be ok.
And so, I'll confess, when I'm feeling totally inferior to those awesome bloggers, or I'm feeling anxious about the fact that I'm kind of barely passing on this "mommyhood" gig, or I'm comparing my mess of a life to "those" people with their perfect lives, sometimes I'll go back and read some of my old posts and say..."Oh. It's all going to be ok. My life is pretty amazing. Messy, but amazing. I may not have it all together or be the most beautiful, talented, and popular person in the world, but God has my life in His hands. And He can make my rubbish, my mistakes, and my missteps into amazing."
And that's why I've blogged and will continue to blog. 'Cause I want to remember how He has continued to do just that in my life, one single messy, silly, and glorious moment at a time. And, even if no one else ever reads any of this nonsense, my hope is that G will want to look back at some of these posts someday and say, "Yeah, Umma. I see it. God is amazing. Everything IS going to be ok."
