22 weeks: lucky in love

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Hello, everyone!  This post is late...I'm almost 23 weeks along!  We're on our last trip out to the beautiful West Coast to visit our family and friends here in So Cal before little Grant comes.  We also went to Las Vegas (I love that place) before we came to California.  Let's just say that Tom was relatively lucky in Vegas, and that, well, I'm pretty lucky in love.  We'll just leave it at that.  :)  It's been hectic so I haven't been able to post--but I'll try to post more about our babymoon next week. 

Hope you are all doing well--especially if you are suffering through the east coast heat...not to make you all jealous or anything....but it is in the 70s here.  I am not sure I want to go home after a couple of days of this glorious weather......

welcome ICLWers!

For my regular readers, I've joined a group called ICLW, which consists of adoption, loss, and infertility blog authors who, for one week out of each month, make an extra effort to visit and comment on each others' blogs.  As the ICLW website says:

It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

I think this is SOOOOOO great because, as I've mentioned in my previous posts, infertility and (I'm now discovering) loss is such a difficult and sometimes lonely journey, and there is an instant sense of understanding between people who have shared these experiences to the point where words aren't even needed.  But words are so powerful, and the internet has really enabled this community to journey, encourage, mourn, and celebrate together.

So...again, welcome to my fellow ICLWers.  Here's a background post on our TTC journey.  To make our long story short, Tom and I got married in February 2006.  In September 2006, we decided to start TTC.  Although I started becoming worried in September 2007, it took me until March 2008 to finally visit my OB, who started us on a battery of tests.  My HSG was all clear, but the SA come back with lower than average motility and morphology percentages.   We visited with two different REs in August 2008 and were told that IVF/ICSI were our best, and most likely only, chance of getting pregnant.  We decided to wait until 2009 (for insurance reasons) to try an IUI with one of the REs, but in January, the other RE contacted us and recommended that we try natural cycle IVF/ICSI.  So...in February 2009-May 2009, we tried four rounds of NCIVF, but the RE was unable to retrieve an egg each time.  Devastated, we decided to take a break, and in November 2009, we decided to seek out the other RE, as insurance covered more of the IVF procedures for his practice than our former RE and Tom was very unhappy with our former RE for various reasons.  As you can see, our Feb/Mar 2010 IVF/ICSI cycle brought us our long-awaited BFMs, baby Elioenai, whom we lost at 10 weeks, and baby Grant, who is now 21.5 weeks! :)  I know that some of you who are visiting are still waiting for your BFM and, believe me, my heart aches for you.  Thank you for stopping by, and may God bless you in each of your journeys!

21 weeks: embraceable you

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long —the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as his initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.
 
Hello friends!  I'm happy to report that Grant is 21 weeks!!!  It's been really cool over the last few days because, just like the babycenter.com post says, Grant is kicking in full force.  My friend, G, asked me what it feels like, and all I could say was that, at the beginning, it kind of felt just like i had a lot of gas, but that now it feels like Grant is sitting and just poking me from the inside.  It's SO.VERY.COOL.  And kinda weird at the same time.  Incidentally, I told G and a group of friends last night while we were on the Wolftrap tram (hey~it was HOT, and the walk, though short, is uphill...and I am pregnant after all!), and this older woman was eavesdropping on our convo...when I said that it felt like gas, she was laughing hysterically, and kept saying, "Gas! Gas!"  At first, I was super confused because I wasn't sure if she was talking to us, but in retrospect it was sweet.  I'm glad baby Grant could bring such joy to a complete stranger.  If he's anything like his daddy, that was just one of many times he will light up someone's day.
 
I had quite an eventful weekend--but the highlight of my weekend was having the honor of throwing a shower for my dear friend, G.  She and her husband, P, have become great friends of ours over the last couple of years, as we have walked through our infertility journey together.  They have been a true God-send to us, and have become such an important part of our lives.  Anyway, God has been working amazingly in their lives, and they are adopting their sweet, adorable, wonderful baby C from Korea--and there are many who are praying for him to come home soon, because we just can't wait to meet him!!!  If you want to read more about their amazing journey through infertility and adoption, visit G's blog--you won't regret it!  I think G was the most excited about baby Grant being a boy, because we're planning on having C and Grant become BFFs! :)
 
After the shower, a group of girls and I went to watch Idina Menzel sing with the National Symphony Orchestra at Wolftrap.  You may know Idina from Rent, Wicked, or more recently, as Rachel Barry's mom on Glee:

It ended up being a beautiful evening (praise the Lord) and Idina was pretty awesome (except when she sang Defying Gravity--girlfriend was struggling a bit, and it made me long to hear Kurt sing it).....and when she sang one of my favorite songs from my own choir days--well, really of all time--Embraceable You, Grant started kicking up a storm.  I guess he liked the song...or at least he could feel how happy his mommy was when she heard the NSO and Idina perform the classic (I realize that I'm a bit of an old soul--I wish I was born during Judy Garland/Billie Holiday/Frank Sinatra's time, at least when it comes to music!!!).  I'd like to think that my son has good taste in music.  :)  And as I sat there, under the beautiful stars, I was filled with excitement and hope for the day when we can finally embrace our long-awaited baby--and I said a little prayer for our sweet embraceable one.

 

Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you
Embrace me, you irreplaceable you
Just one look at you

My heart grew tipsy in me

You and you alone

Bring out the Gypsy in me

 

I love all the many charms about you

Above all, I want my arms about you

 

Don't be a naughty baby

Come to mama, come to mama do

My sweet embraceable you

it's a baby grant!

Well, my friends...I was wrong...it's a boy!!!

I sure hope our baby boy, Grant, doesn't mind his momma displaying all of his glory for the world to see.  Man, this boy did not want to show us the goods, and it took a good while before he moved in the right position for the ultrasound technician.  On a sidenote, we had the worst tech in the history of mankind.  She chided me for wearing a dress to my appointment, never introduced herself, yelled at Tom for attempting to take pictures (and told him to put his phone in his pocket!), told me that I was faking my happiness that Grant is a boy (which I most certainly was NOT!), said that my desire to have a girl someday is foolish because girls are drama, and was just all around unpleasant.  Sigh.  At least most of my other experiences have been good.  Tom thinks that people who deal with babies and new mommies should be required to be shiny, happy people.  I agree. 

Anyway, my little Grant is a major cutie:

The little pointer hands point to (from top to bottom) his nose, his mouth and his chin.  He sure likes to suck his thumb...we saw his jaw moving up and down as he was sucking his thumb...it was so cute.  Not that I'm biased or anything.  (Incidentally, the tech seemed annoyed that he was sucking his thumb.  What a grinch!)

So...in our consult with our perinatologist (the specialist), she said that the spine and everything looked fine and that it doesn't appear that there are any defects.  The baby is measuring at exactly the right weight and length for 20 weeks, 2 days, and is the 47th percentile.  However, she said that our elevated AFP levels could indicate that I may have preeclampsia later on, may go into preterm labor, or that the baby might be born at a low birthweight.  Many of my cousins had preeclampsia, and when I raised it to my regular OBs, they said that it was no big deal...the peri, on the other hand, thought it was very relevant and she wants me to start monitoring my blood pressure daily beginning at 24 weeks and to come in for more ultrasounds throughout my pregnancy (hooray!), so I think that means that I'm officially a high-risk pregnancy mom.  My peri was also really great because she was the first doctor that genuinely seemed very sorry for the loss of Elioenai.  It was momentary, but she took time to express her condolences about Eli.

As far as the hemoglobin Athens-Georgia goes, my peri asked Tom to get some labwork done to make sure he is not a carrier, and wants me to see a hemotologist.  Yay.  More doctors. The peri doesn't think that it will affect the pregnancy, though.  So it doesn't seem to be something I need to worry about.  

Anyway, we're beyond thrilled about our baby boy.  I loved seeing his little fingers and toes, looking at the four chambers in his heart, and watching him suck his little thumb.  He seemed, (to me, at least) like a little bit of a jokester like his dad, because I think he was hiding from the tech on purpose (babies can sense evil, you know).  I can't wait to watch him grow, go to his soccer, basketball, baseball games, and tennis matches...and his show choir concerts (hehehe).  Boys are fun...they can be a handful, but they are fun!  I'm in love. Love, love, love!!! :) 

20 weeks: half-baked banana

Hello friends!  Yesterday, the bean turned 20 weeks--which is the official halfway mark in the countdown for his/her big arrival into the outside world! :)  S/he's the size of a banana now:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)


He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

We are going tomorrow morning to our MFM for our level II sonogram.  We'll see what's going on with the bean's spine and, hopefully, the bean will show us "the goods" so we can start planning in pink or blue.  Tom thinks the bean is a boy, but I think it's a girl.  Either way, we'll be thrilled--and I can't wait to see the little one again (it's been 2 whole months!).  Only one of us can be right...so we'll see! :) 

What do you think the bean will be?  Boy or girl?

19 weeks: to-may-to, to-mah-to

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

It's really fun feeling the bean move around.  And now, it's much much easier to hear its little heartbeat!  Every day, Tom and I are more amazed that we are getting this wonderful privilege to be parents to our little one.  It is unreal that there's a little one swimming around inside of me.  And only one more week until we get to see the bean and find out if we'll be on team pink or blue!  So fun!

Hope you all had a fun, safe 4th of July! 

psa: just breathe

Have any of you other wives out there noticed that when you tell your hubby he should do something, it's considered nagging...but the minute a friend of his tells him the EXACT same thing, it's great advice?  Yeah, same here.

Ever since we got married, I've been telling Tom to get a sleep test done because I think he has sleep apnea.  For any of you that have had the pleasure of experiencing Tom's snoring, you'll probably agree that it's pretty severe.  Learning to sleep through those awesome sounds when we first got married was...um...a feat that I am quite proud of.  But I started noticing that the poor man would stop breathing for extended periods of time, and I was really worried.

To make a long story short, Tom ended up talking to a guy at our church who runs a sleep center.  After 4 years of my nagging...he FINALLY thought, "Hmm...maybe I have sleep apnea?" and decided to ask his primary care doc for a referral.  I actually think one of the reasons he did it was because of our bean...he may not be concerned about making me a widow, but I'm sure he was concerned about leaving his baby.  So...one night last month, off he went to the sleep center for an overnighter, and he sent me this pic:

Haha, too funny.  He said it was really uncomfortable and that the stuff they used to attach those sensors to his head got all over his hair.  I was just happy that he went.  ESPECIALLY when he got his results.  Basically, the doctor said that he stops breathing for up to 45 seconds at a time.  She was alarmed by the results because Tom's only 34 years old.  She also said that Asian men tend to have sleep apnea because they have smaller windpipes.  So...two weeks ago, Tom got this awesome looking contraption:

Tom calls this his Darth Vader mask.  I don't care what he calls it, I LOVE IT!  After he wore it the first night he brought it home, I slept like a baby!  Of course, each night is a battle between Darth Vader and his mask, and some nights Tom rips it off without even knowing it (although he kept it on all night last night!).  More than anything, I'm just glad he got it because of the health impacts of sleep apnea--it's bad for your heart, bad for your brain, and just overall bad for your body.  Now I have all these women at our church who are convinced their husbands have apnea.  :)

And the moral of today's story kids, is this: your wife is always right.  :)  HAHAHA!  Happy Friday!

18 weeks: dr. google

Hi everyone!

I just realized that we're almost done with this week and I haven't posted my 18 week update about the bean:

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

I'm happy to report that, for the first time, I felt the bean poke me yesterday!  It was really different from anything else I've felt, and it was really exciting.  It's also been fun trying to find the bean's heartbeat...well, sometimes it's nervewracking trying to find it, but it's always exciting to hear it. :)  I've been trying to count the number of heart beats per minute, and it has consistently hovered around 144.  I consulted Dr. Google, and it seems like this is within the average range.  Yay!  :)

Speaking of Dr. Google, one of the OBs at my OB's practice (there are a potential SIX OBs that will be delivering the bean) called me yesterday with some more bloodwork results.  It turns out that 1/2 of my hemoglobins are abnormal.  Specifically, I have 50% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia and 50% normal hemoglobins.  The OB said she had never heard of this, and so she had to Google it.  I had to laugh a little bit because I am obsessed with Dr. Google, and my friend A always laughs at me because I Google every little symptom I have and try to diagnose myself all the time.  I am a Google hypochondriac.  But hey, I love Google.  And see?  My OB even had to consult Dr. Google.  Anyway, I digress.  Based on my OB's Google research, she said that it is extremely rare, and that of reported pregnancies, those with even 100% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia did not have pregnancy complications.  But she wants me to tell the MFM (the specialist) about our results since they are the experts in high-risk pregnancy.

I did try to Google it yesterday but the only things that came up were medical reports and abstracts of studies that I didn't bother to read because I think I have to go to some medical library to find them...then find a doctor who will help me interpret what I'm reading (science...zzzz.....).  The only thing I can guess from my limited research (and the fact that my OB has never heard of it) is that it is REALLY rare.  I'll be seeing the MFM in a week and a half, so I'll just hold my horses.  I am annoyed at my hemoglobins, though.  Well, I'm only annoyed at half of them.  Hehehe.

Oh, the OB (who is different from the OB who called me on Monday) also tried to reassure me that the bean is probably doing fine, and that elevated levels of AFP are probably the result of Elioenai's spinal cord still being in my body.  Ok, I'll take it.  Today, I will choose hope and joy, rather than fear. 

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.

The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

Isaiah 12:2