co-sleeping...

So...I'm not sure how often I talk about this here...but we've co-slept or bedshared with Tiger for pretty much his whole life. You might recall me griping about how miserable sleep-training was going for us...so since I happily gave up that endeavor, Tiger, Tom and I have been sharing our king-sized bed. Tiger, in all of his less than 30 lb. glory takes up about 1/2 the bed, and Tom and I get about 1/4 each. :)

I know bedsharing is not one of those things that most people think is a good thing, because I've been asked over and over again when we're planning on moving Tiger to his own room.

Honestly? There are some nights when I miss being able to sleep sprawled out on our large king-sized bed. Particularly when Tiger is having a rough night. Or, when his diaper leaks and we have to change our sheets AGAIN. Or, when Tiger annoyingly (and usually unconsciously) pulls my hair as a comfort mechanism. We have lots of conversations about it when he's awake and trying to pull my hair, where he agrees that he's not supposed to pull my hair, takes his hand away, and then tentatively brings it back towards my head. We're working on that during awake time, but try reasoning with a mostly asleep toddler! :P

But....I love sleeping with my baby. There are lots of different theories out there for the benefits of co-sleeping, so I'll not list them here. But I'll tell you why I love it. Night times are the sweetest...we read, we sing, we pray, we snuggle. Mornings are precious...he wakes up and gives me the biggest smile and the best kisses. And, usually, in between, a cute little toddler will sleepily find his way into my arms and we both will sigh happily. The bottom line is, I wouldn't trade these short years of togetherness for the world. Because, like all good things, they will come to an end.

So...what's the million dollar answer to the question of when?

Whenever Tiger decides he wants to move to his own room.

And on that day, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. And it will be coming from my room. You can almost certainly count on it.

Of course, Dragon's arrival now complicates our situation, and it scares the crap out of me. I've been researching the interwebz about how to co-sleep with an infant and a toddler. There are mixed responses out there. In real life, people have told me it's just not going to work. In my mind, I'm wondering if we're going to have to make Dragon move to his own room if the boys wake each other up every night...since, it's easier to not have to deal with the emotional consequences of the one who actually is aware of what is going on. Then that breaks my heart...because I can't imagine making my itty bitty baby sleep alone. And I don't want to miss all those wonderful times Tiger and I have had because Dragon's in his own room.

So...the plan for now, is to sidecar the crib...you know, the one that Tiger slept in all of five or six times...to my side of the bed and let Dragon sleep there until he's old enough to bedshare, or until the boys decide they want to sleep in their room. And pray. Pray hard. Pray that this is going to work out and we'll be one big happy, co-sleeping family.

Frankly...this is the stuff I've dreamed of...and I'm ever so grateful I have the opportunity to stress out about it! So...stay tuned. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

34 weeks :)

Dragon is 34 weeks today! (Yikes! It's been almost a month since my last post!)

I'm in pain, friends. Pain. Everywhere.

I'm not going to lie. I want this to be over soon. Well...soon as in no less than 3 weeks from today.

But...I know this could be my last pregnancy. I'm hoping not. But it could. So...I'm praying that I can manage to not only not complain but to enjoy what little time left I have as a pregnant momma.

Now that the cool fall weather is here -- with a vengeance, I might add -- I can finally swap out Tiger's summer clothes for his fall clothes. And that means I must face the reality that Dragon is coming very soon and pull out, wash, and put away his clothes.

Interestingly, Tom and I watched the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" this past weekend, and, in the movie, Cameron Diaz and Matthew Morrison are told they're having a boy at their ultrasound, but end up actually having a girl. I kind of laughed and the felt a pang of panic. I mean, what if Dragon is actually a girl? But I quickly laughed it off. And then, yesterday at work, two strangers said I was carrying like I was having a girl. So that sent me into another tailspin of panic and obsessive googling.

Our ultrasound tech was pretty confident that Dragon is a boy...and, I mean, I saw the goods myself...and the interwebs says that it's more often that the ultrasound is wrong when the tech thinks it's a girl, but it ends up being a boy. But...you never know. So I am going to go into the delivery room with a girl name in my back pocket. You know. Just in case. :D

30 weeks, 6 days...

That's today. Which means...tomorrow is 31 weeks. And then we are officially in single digit week countdown territory.

CA-RA-ZY. I have done virtually...nothing...to prepare for Dragon's arrival. I don't know if it's denial, or if it's the realization that, in those first few weeks, all you need are diapers, onesies, and a carseat, and you're pretty much good to go. I did have a discussion with my mom the other day about whether dragons are real. I asked Mr. T. once before, but he laughed and laughed and then ignored me, so I was left wondering about the answer. My mom gave me her "you're being ridiculous look" and immediately said no. But I then pointed out that dragons show up in a lot of different cultural mythologies. She responded that she thinks the Chinese spread that myth. That made no sense to me. So then I asked why dragons would be the only fake animals in the Chinese zodiac, particularly when they are considered so highly. She then conceded she had no idea, and never questioned that they weren't real. My friend then pointed out that Komodo dragons are real. So, I still don't know the answer.

But I digress.

Anyway...we did make a couple of major purchases in anticipation of Dragon's arrival. First...da da da daaaah...

A minivan! Woohoo! I can be quite the odd duck, and I think it's safe to say that my love for minivans (I've been dreaming about owning one since I was in college) puts me in the odd duck category. We thought about getting one when we found out we were having twins, but when Tiger's twin passed, we shelved that thought because we didn't want to be one of those families with one child and a minivan...and bought a Prius. A completely strange purchase in the eyes of our friends...but, of course, when you wear IF-colored glasses, that decision becomes not so strange. Anyhoodles, the minivan is wonderful. I LOVES it with my whole heart. So does Tiger. Who did not want to get out of the minivan the first night we brought it home and cried out, "Car!!! Car!!!" in his sleep that night. I'd call him a weirdo, but that'd be like the odd duck calling the odd duck an odd duck.....er.....you know what I mean.

We also purchased...

A double stroller! We also considered getting this the first time around...but you know how that story went. I'd been scoping out deals on Craigslist for the past few months, but people rarely sell their City Selects because they are that awesome...so when I found one for a couple hundred bucks cheaper, in like new condition, and in black, I pounced on it. I can't wait to see Tiger and Dragon sitting in it together. For now, Tiger seems to love it. :)

In other news...I was getting really tired of my hair. It was at that awkward length where it just didn't look good. The Mister has been asking me to cut my hair for a while...he's a member of the .0000001% of men in the world who prefer short hair...so...I bit the bullet and got it chopped off.

Oh...and I got my nails done, too. Haha! I *think* I like it and don't regret it. I must say, whatever my stylist did this time was great because it is pretty low maintenance. And it does look more professional for me to not have my hair in a sloppy ponytail everyday. So I'm cool with it. Until I see pictures of my friends on Facebook...you know, with their perfect, beautiful long hair. Although, if I'm being totally honest with you, my long hair never looked that way because I was too lazy to do it. So...yeah.

Well, that's what's going on in my life. Pretty ho-hum...and so that's why I don't update as often as I'd like to. But, whoomp, there it is. :)

confession

I have a confession. I'm a terrible terrible terrible domestic person. I don't particularly enjoy meal planning, grocery shopping, or cooking. I feel pretty bad for Mr. T. and Tiger because our dinners consist of my really uninteresting rotation of foods, or take out. I read other bloggers who just LOVE to cook and clean and organize and do fun activities with their kids, and I think, "WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME?"

I'm just not sure I'm cut out for this domestic wife and mom gig. But I want to change. And I just need some motivation. Any ideas? Maybe I should search for a non-domestic wife and mom who did something about her lack of home skills. I'm not sure. If you know of such a blogger, feel free to send her my way. Because I'm drowning in my sense of failure and incompetency right now. :)

ninety days...

The pregnancy ticker tells me, at 27 weeks and 1 day, I'm 90 days away from my official due date. If Dragon is anything like his big brother, Tiger, it's more like 81 days away. Yikes!

Not that I'm counting.

I take that back. I'm counting. I'm counting because every bone and muscle in my body seems to ache. Bones and muscles that I discovered during the last few weeks of Tiger's pregnancy and forgot I had. Except this time, I started feeling them like 3 weeks ago.

I feel bad complaining about this...you know, because this is what I prayed and longed for. And being an IFer...I'm not gonna lie...there's this incredible pressure for you to paint everything as perfect and rosy because, you know, you WANTED this. You asked for it. But I'm realizing that I didn't want or ask for the pain, per se. I wanted a baby. And I'm ever so thankful and grateful to go through this again. Yes...it's totally and completely worth it. Because, at the end, I get to be a momma to Dragon. And I want to do it again. If I were younger, I'd say that I'd want to do it again and again. But I digress.

Fortunately, I've found a fabulous masseuse and I'm going to see her after work on Monday. She makes the pain go away. I wish I could see her...oh...every day...for the next 90 days.

Happy Friday! I hope you have a great weekend!

growing up

One of the best things about motherhood is getting to see the world the way my little Tiger sees it. He is growing and changing at lightening speed, and sometimes I forget what a big boy he is becoming.

He is so verbal now....and he speaks a language that often only I can decipher. I remember "talking" with littles before and helplessly looking up at their mom, my eyes pleading for a translation. Now...I am that mom to Tiger. And it kind of is awesome.

Tiger astonishes me with what he knows. He's grown quite attached to his baby Mickey Mouse, which he refers to as "Mouse" or "Mine" depending on his mood du minute, and last night, on a whim, I asked him where each of Mickey's body parts or facial features are. I was astonished when he pointed and said the parts! This happens to me over and over, as he will "read" his picture books to me and continually shows me his ever growing vocabulary. Or when I sing a song that I have been singing to him since he was born, he will sing along...granted the words he sings aren't clear to anyone but me...but still!

I am not telling you this as part of a bragfest, because if you witnessed my parenting on a daily basis, you'd see how little I have to do with his learning. You might be quite disturbed, in fact. ;) And I fully recognize that there are 20 monthers out there who are way more advanced than G is. But there is something so stinking magical about seeing new words and concepts start to "click" in your child's head. Today, it was watching G finally do a whole puzzle by himself, after months of me coaching him on certain pieces (ok ok I helped him learn that one!) and then running upstairs to the sound of Mr. T drawing a bath, shouting, "Bath time! Bath time!"

It's those little moments that take my breath away and threaten to knock me over with the realization that my baby is not a baby anymore. And it makes me both want to beam with pride and fall into a heap and sob, because I know he is his own person...that all of this time we spend together is just about helping him grow more independent and, hopefully, a strong young man who fears God and serves Him in this world. And someday, he isn't going to need me. And that everything we are doing as parents is helping him reach that goal of not needing us.

Le sigh. It is kind of sad to think about. But I am going to relish every new stage and watch the joys of growing up through his eyes as long as the good Lord allows. It is a really awesome privilege. And, it is kind of the best thing ever.

23 weeks: mango tango

My dear sweet Dragon is 23 weeks today. BabyCenter says: Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango).

Well, Dragon is really really active. He loves kicking me to remind me he's here. He's actually more active than Tiger was, or maybe I'm imagining things...either way, I have a feeling he's going to be quite a handful!

It's interesting that Dragon is the size of a mango, considering I just bought a Costco pack of mangoes. They are finally ripe and delicious, but I'm not sure why I continue to buy Costco sized packs of fruit because I'm the only one who ends up frantically eating them before they're officially dead. I discovered this after I asked Mr. T. if he likes mangoes, to which he replied, "No." And then I asked him if he likes any fruit, and he replied, "Not really."

Say what? Who doesn't like fruit? Apparently, the guy I married. Six and a half years ago. And I'm just realizing this now. I'm a fast learner. :P When I expressed my disbelief, he mentioned that he loves broccoli.

O.kay.then.

Anyhoodles...Tiger's molars are still trying to erupt through his gums, and he'll be fine one minute and then grabbing his mouth and crying, "owie!" the next. Poor little guy. I try to put my finger in his mouth to feel if they're close, but he won't let me anymore. I guess that the counterpressure of that doesn't help. :(

I'm in nesting mode for sure. Mr. T. was cracking up because he looked at my iPad searches from the last week and they consisted of paint colors, how to cover an ugly filing cabinet, light fixtures, craigslist desk searches, and the like. I have this big desire to actually go through all of our rooms and just tossing everything. But I think that would cause my neat, organized, pack rat of a husband to have a meltdown. So...not going to do that. I did just donate about 3 garbage bags full of clothes and know I have at least one more bag to give. And I want to purge my closet of just about everything. I really do. I'm telling you. Nesting.

I'm thinking of how to do the boys' room to incorporate Dragon's arrival. Given Tiger's recent obsession with choo-choos and airplanes, I'm thinking a general transportation theme is in order, so maybe I'll add to the trains in the room and make it more diverse. But I feel like I need to purge the whole house before I can start on that. Nesting. What a strange thing.

I hope you all have a happy happy weekend!