525,600 minutes

Dear G,

Happy birthday! You are officially no longer an infant; you are now a toddler! We had a superfun party on Saturday at the farm down the road from our house. Lots of friends and family came to celebrate, and it was a perfect day to go and have an adventure together.

After the dust from the fun day settled, you and I snuggled together and, as you fell asleep, I realized that even though we had an amazing time (minus a couple of close meltdown-inducing moments for me), being there with you and Appah in that very moment was my favorite part of the day! As I laid there next to you, listening to your even little breaths, slighty labored from your perpetual day care congestion, I thought of that first night we met. Halmoni used to tell me that, although labor is painful and difficult, once you see the baby, all of that pain is overwhelmed by joy and love. I don't know if I ever believed her, but I will testify now that it is absolutely true. The minute I met you, nothing else seemed to matter and it was love at first sight.

What I have to add, though, is this: each and every moment since we first met has been better than the last. Even, and maybe most especially, the hard times because, in those moments, you have shown me what it means to be a momma. It's a tough job, and I'm not always that good at it. Sometimes, I lose my cool; sometimes, I don't give you what you need; and sometimes, I'm too permissive. No matter what, though, every moment has ended in a snuggle. It doesn't matter what I do or I don't do -- you just need me to be there for you, for now.

As I prepared for the party, I thought a lot about our journey to you and through this year. I also looked back at all the pictures we took this year. We organized them by seasons in our files, and I couldn't help but think of the song "Seasons of Love." Really, how do we measure a year? It goes by so fast. 525,600 precious minutes, and each minute, exciting or mundane, is a minute we'll never get back. But if we measure them in love, those minutes will last in my heart for as long as I live. Each minute is a thread in a tapestry that we'll be able to look back at and hopefully say, "It wasn't perfect, it wasn't always easy, there were some dark threads there, but it sure did turn out to be beautiful." And, even though I can only look at part of the finished product, I can already say that it was beautiful. That the dark spaces actually illuminate the bright ones we share now.

I would be remiss to not mention how much my heart ached that Eli couldn't physically be there with us on Saturday. It's a weird thing for me to talk about, because I don't think people like to think of such a "sad" thing on such a happy day, so I actually didn't share my feelings about it with anyone, not even Appah. But, as you know, the theme of the party was "UP!", so when I went to make the favors, I was looking for something to write on them and I remembered a phrase from the movie that I loved, "Thanks for the adventure. Now, go have a new one! Love, Ellie." When I read that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been feeling guilty towards you and Eli. For being reluctant to be 100 percent happy with you, and for being reluctant to move on without Eli. And when I remembered that phrase, I felt free. Free to remember Eli, and free to have new adventures with you every day. How I love my children is not a zero-sum game. I can love you both, and that love can be different and the same. So, in a quiet moment at the end of the party, I held you in my arms after you passed out, and we let a little red balloon go up into the sky, in hopes that Eli felt our love, and with excitement for all of the new adventures that lie ahead for our family.

Uncle Devan made a video of the day for us. I love it. He let me pick the songs. Of course, I love to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to you because you are, after all, my sunshine :), so that had to go in there. Feist's Sesame Street version of "1-2-3-4" is your favorite, so that was a given. And I love "We're Gonna Be Friends" -- it just seemed like a perfect song for the day. The last song is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole. I love that song so much. And when he sings, "Someday I'll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me....." You don't know how much I prayed to wake up to your smiling face...and now I get to do it every day. How lucky am I?

Thanks for making me a momma, G. I love you more than words can say. Here's the video so that you can look back someday at how handsome and precious you are in this very moment.

I love you so so so so so much, little guy. You are such a joy to me and Appah, and so many other people in your life. We're looking forward to making many more fun memories together!!!

Love,
Umma

chatty, dancin' machine

OK, wow. Two posts in one day? Just your luck!!!

Haha, I just wanted to post a couple of videos because they capture how fun it is to be G's momma. He's started chatting with us. I have no idear what he's saying, but sometimes he gets VERY serious. Sometimes, he'll pick up a book or paper and point to the pictures and words and read them for us. It's very serious business, folks.

This video, however, was taken this last weekend when I pretended to sneeze and G had to tell me what he thought about it. We were crackin' up!

Have I ever mentioned how much G loves dancing? He really, truly does. At daycare, the teachers call him their little dancer. He's recently started shaking his head like a headbanger when he dances. HI-larious. And when he's standing, he shakes his little hips. The boy has got some rhythm! He definitely did not get it from his folks...it must be from some my sibs....This video has some annoying singing in it, in which I completely botch the words to "Old MacDonald", but G dances a little, stands on his own, and congratulates himself with claps.

Hope you enjoyed these videos of our little guy. Although he's not a itty-bitty baby anymore, he is SO.MUCH.FUN. :)

P.S. I am SO behind on commenting on so many of your blogs. I'm so sorry. I love reading them but I've become so overwhelmed by everything going on right now...so I promise I will start commenting again, soon!!!

11 months: where does the time go?

You all. My baby will be turning one in 4 short days. WHERE IN TARNATION DOES TIME GO???

So...yeah, I'm behind again. AGAIN. But here is my big boy in his 11 month glory.

Doesn't he look like such a big boy?

He's a happy little fellar. We really lucked out in getting a kid with such a great disposition.

And he is so over these blockie pictures. Sadly (for momma) but happily (for G), this is his last monthly pic. That doesn't mean we're going to stop taking blockie pics. Maybe just yearly from now one. Or...how about semi-annually?

No?

Bueller?

Anyhoo...I have failed greatly as a mother in many ways, and one of them is not getting a picture of G in a pumpkin patch. We did take him apple-picking, but I think was too late in the season because the pumpkin patch there was nearly empty.

Apple picking at 11 months is not really a fun adventure for the kiddies, I've discovered. It's more for the parents who want to blog about the first time they took their kiddies apple-picking.

But, this is day we've long looked forward to, so we made the best of it. We didn't get a great family shot, but, hey, we save those for our professional photographer. ;)

Anyhoo...as I mentioned, I didn't get a good shot of G in a pumpkin patch. What I didn't say is that I didn't try to -- I just tried too late. So the pumpkin patch we went to had only sad little mini-pumpkins. Which, actually, I think are cuter than the ginormous ones. So we did a modified pumpkin patch a la our deck at our humble abode:

I don't think he cared one bit that he wasn't in a real pumpkin patch. And, to be frank, I'm sorta glad that he didn't get dirt on his pants. Hehe.

Um...I also had intentions of pumpkin carving...but...I didn't want to tackle that with mini-pumpkins...so....

Sharpie to the rescue!

Yes...I'm lame. Martha Stewart just threw up in her mouth a little.

But from what I've heard, Martha also did not show her daughter that much love...just sayin'. ;)

HOWEVER, where I failed in my pumpkin skills, I most assuredly found myself WINNING in Halloween costuming. Observe, and cry from the pure genius of our family get-up. 

  

OK...so maybe mine wasn't really a costume per se, but I did wear an In 'N Out shirt. And...maybe this isn't pure genius...especially if you have not experienced the deliciousness that is In 'N Out...but we just had to pay homage to the wonderful West Coast. We heart you, Best West Coast!

And...psst...this is one of the few costumes that are a) warm and b) do not require your very annoyed toddler to wear a headpiece-that-he-wants-to-rip-off-right-this-minute.

Anyway, our house is in full-party planning mode for G's first birthday bash for (eh-hem) about 140 of our closest friends and family. There were so many other people we wanted to invite but our guest list was already out of control. So if you happen to be reading this and you didn't get invited, I'm so sorry -- it doesn't mean I don't love you...I promise!

The party is outdoors at a farm...so if you get a chance, could you please pray for great weather? I'm super-nervous and can't believe I planned an outdoor party in November, but so far it looks like it'll be partly cloudy and 58 degrees. Fingers, toes, knees, arms crossed that it stays that way!!!

10 months: so behind, but having fun!

Friends...I am SO behind. I just realized that I never did a 10 or 11 month post!!! But you know what? We are having lots o' fun. I just don't have the time I used to have to sit and upload pics and blog about them. And, that's okay. Because those posts that I didn't write? I was snuggling my little silly monkey instead. :)

So...here's my sad excuse for a 10 month update...in which I will insert pictures and illustrate them with words, if I have them. ;)

It is getting increasingly challenging to take good shots of G and the blocks as he becomes more mobile. But, out of hundreds of pictures where I click away, I'll get one like this...where it shows my baby as he is -- simple, pure, joyful. This makes my heart so happy. He has been an expert crawler and loves getting into things. He still loves singing and dancing. I'm convinced we have a future pop star on our hands.

At 10 months, G went on his very first plane ride to California!!! We saw some very important people.

Weh-halmoni and weh-halrabuji (maternal grandma and grandpa) were so in love with him, and he with them. My parents are really young, so they used to joke that they were too young to be grandparents. But they're total naturals!

It seems like it was only a few years ago when I used to change this young man's diapers. He used to be my baby bro. Now he's my awesome college bro, who is holding my baby. And I change my baby's diapers. Wah. Time goes by too fast!

Here's one of my favorite sisters in the whole wide world. I used to "help" my mom change her diapers when she was a baby, too. Except I was only seven. So who knows how helpful I really was? That was only 14 years ago. Har har. Look at her now. (No, she's not 14, and I'm certainly not 21, silly.)

And here are G's first steps into the FRIGID Pacific Ocean. And, yeah, maybe there was a momma who was simultaneously freaking out and snapping pics because the water was, well, frigid, and the aforementioned baby siblings were, well, threatening to throw G into the ocean. Repeatedly. Did I mention the water was FRIGID? Punks. But isn't this a lovely shot? It makes my heart burst to see my baby and his appah.

Then, he met his cheen-harabuji (paternal grandpa) for the first time! They really dug each other. :)

And cheen-halmoni!!!

He also met his uncle, auntie and cousins for the first time. He loved being around the older boys. As you can see, the Ro legacy has been secured. My father-in-law looked at me very seriously and said, "Now you can have a daughter." Ha!

We were all there to celebrate his Tammy gomo's (paternal aunt) marriage to Uncle Devan!!! Unfortunately, Flickr is being a butthead and I can't download any photos of the happy newlyweds. *Collective BOO!*

We then went up to San Francisco for a short trip. No family photos. Boo. 'Twas chilly. :) But I'll just leave you with my most favorite pic of me and my little guy to date. Not because the lighting is great or because I look fabulous. But because we're snuggled up and loving the moment.

And that is why I'm behind. Because I'm cherishing these going-by-too-fast moments. Hopefully, I'll have our 11 month update soon!!! <3 <3 <3

content

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13

Y'all...I'm content.

I mean, yeah, I still want things.

I want to keep nursing, even though everyone I know seems to be shocked that I still am. Even my sweet nurse friend was shocked -- she said she didn't realize that people still try and abide by the official recommendation to nurse for at least a year. I guess there's a stigma to nursing for a whole year, but it has been this amazing bonding time for me and G.

But I also want to give my sweet totsicles :) a chance at life, and my baby a chance at having siblings. Really, I feel like I would be robbing G of my undivided attention and love, but today I saw a birth story where the older brother was kissing his younger brother and it melted.my.heart. The relationship I have with my siblings is like no other, and I am so thankful my parents had so many of us. I want that for G. Me? I feel more than blessed to have G, and would be happy if he was our only. But I fear that he will be lonely if we can't provide a sibling for him.

I want sleep. I haven't slept in a year. Sleep-training has gone by the way-side, as vacay and sickness derailed it. G is back to sleeping in our bed, waking several times a night, and kicking me in the face when he's not awake.

But you know what?

I know the moments in a sleepless night are precious and the years are few. These moments, where G wakes in the night and needs me, are numbered. Some day, he will be independent and grown up (and that will evoke different tears from momma!), but for now, he needs me. And so, I will gladly, if not groggily, go to him and comfort him. It is my privilege as his momma to do so.

I know that even if G doesn't have siblings, he will be surrounded with so much love from his brothers and sisters in Christ. From his eternal family. And so, I pray for God's grace to fall on him. That he would know the love and joy that comes from being a child of God.

I know that nursing isn't the only bonding mechanism. My love for this boy runs deep. And I know he loves his momma. We're just going to have to find different ways to bond. :)

And all of this knowledge, this peace that is in my heart, is because, at the end of the day, God has given me perspective. I've been in need. I've had plenty. None of these things are permanent. What is important is the eternal and how we all fit in to the eternal.

And that, y'all, is why I can say I am content.

i have a dream

...of being a fabulously, witty, funny blogger who could quit her dayjob and get paid to blog...

...of throwing a really awesome first birthday party for my baby...

...of completing amazing DIY projects around my house...

...of cooking delicious and nutritious meals that knock G and Tom's socks off...

...of transforming into a totally fit and hot girl...

...of becoming a supermom who can juggle everything and having my kid adore me...

...and, frankly...these delusional dreams are pretty much the product of reading blogs.

Sometimes, I feel sad and inadequate after reading about other people's lives.

But then, I look at my life, and I think it pretty much rocks. I mean, I'm not any of those people I've described above, but I have an amazing family and awesome friends. A great job. A lovely home.

My life's not perfect. There are a lot of areas in which I could get better. But today, on this rainy Friday, I'm counting my blessings and thanking God for my life. All of it. Even the parts that we still need to work on. :)

Happy Friday!

my little poser

OK. So I know I promised some pics from the trip. But we're I'm tired. So...instead, please let me direct you to our so very wonderful and talented photographer's blog, where you can see a preview of our family's outdoor photo session...which you can see if you click right here.

Didn't YM do such a wonderful job?!?!?! I heart her.

Oh...and that kid is pretty darn cute. For the last couple of weeks, almost every time he sees a camera, he stops and smiles. What a ham!!!! I wonder who he got that from? Ha! Some might think it's Tom...but, actually, my mom said I was quite the ham as a little girl.

I can't wait to see all of the pictures...but the preview pics have me worried...I mean, how will I ever choose what to get printed??? ;)

Happy Friday!