hormonal

Thank you for all of your congratulations. It's so special to be able to share our joy with you. :)

So...now that the one or two thing is answered...I'm now super curious about whether this baby will be donning pink or blue.

If we just recycled all of our blue stuff, I'd be estatic. I love love love love having my boy. And I would love to have two boys grow up as the best of friends. Well...that would be my hope anyway....

If we needed to supplement our wardrobe with pink (yes, I said "supplement" -- there is NOTHING wrong with a girl wearing perfectly great blue clothes...haha...) how fun would that be? Little dresses and tights. Headbands. Ruffled bottoms. EEEEEE! OK...maybe my girl wouldn't be in blue...haha.

My high betas have me wondering if we do have a girl in there. And Mr. T.'s inkling is pink. He's been spot on about all of our pre-ultrasound questions, so he might be on to something.

Interestingly, I'm not sure if this is hormone-induced, but I get pretty sad and teary whenever I think about G becoming a big brother. He is just so little. Will he understand? Will he be happy? Will he feel replaced? Will he be resentful? Will this just rock his world in a bad way? Will this destroy our happy little family?

Mr. T. doesn't have any of these feelings. My sisters think I'm being silly. Maybe it's because none of them are first-borns and they are really awesome siblings. Maybe it's because, as a first-born, I did (at one time) wonder if my parents kept having kids because I wasn't enough. I mean, I now know that's not true...they kept having more because I am so freaking awesome (hahahahahaha), but you know...those kinds of things just kind of stay with you as a first-born. [Yeah, yeah, I have a soft spot for first-borns. Sue me.]

As a result of all this worrying about G, I feel like I hardly think about or pray for Happy. And I feel really bad. Like I'm already failing Happy as a mom! Like I'm totally unequipped to be a mom again. Like I'm not going to be as loving a mom as I should be. Like I'm being super ungrateful for this new life in our family.

But those are all lies. LIES!

I am so grateful. I am so excited. G will be a great brother. It is wonderful having siblings. Our family is so blessed to be growing again.

I may not be a perfect mother. But, really, who is? I just have to do what I can to show my kids (KIDSSSSS???!!!!) that I love them, but more importantly, that they have a heavenly Father who loves them so much more than I could ever dream of loving them.

And all will be ok.

I just have to remember to breathe and take each step at a time.

And to take my vitamins.

So...yeah, it's been an interesting time for me, emotionally. Hormones. Gotta love 'em.

So, to my mom friends with more than 1 baby...any advice? Words of encouragement? Words of warning and terror? Just kidding about that last one...well, not really...I want to hear it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

one

One strong little diamond ring. One strong little heartbeat. We are in love!

hello, is it me you're looking for?

Oh, hello, morning {or, in my case, afternoon} sickness.

So nice of you to join us.

Have you met my friend, fatigue?

Good times.

lies, damned lies, and statistics

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm freaking out a little bit here.

My beta yesterday came in at 8332.

According to the site betabase.info, that's about double the median for singleton pregnancies, and about 600 points less than the median for twin pregnancies.

But, they say these kinds of numbers are all over the place, and those are just median numbers.

And the chance that Happy split into two little ones is only 1.7 percent. Although, some say that there might be a higher chance for 5-day blasts than for 3-day embryos to split. And then others say that is totally false.

And I read somewhere that there may be a correlation between high numbers and gender (the higher the number, the more likely it's a girl....), but then there are plenty of people who say that is hogwash.

Who are these people, anyway?

I guess we'll have to wait for some answers until Friday, when we go in for our ultrasound.

Oh, Friday. There are too many days left for me to sit here and sift through lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Sigh.

In happier news, my momma comes to visit tonight for almost three weeks! Huzzah!!!!

to the max

Beta #2 results are in:

2868!!!!

My fab nurse said that the betas are "doubling appropriately" and they want me to come back for beta #3 on Monday.

My numbers, friends, are higher than my numbers were when I was pregnant with G & E.

In fact, the handy-dandy calculator on babymed.com indicates that I'm on the "max" line as far as numbers go.

Back in 2010, I was in between the average and max line.

Today, we're steadily following the max line.

Very interesting.

Very interesting, indeed.

blogher book review: the fault in our stars

This is a review for the BlogHer book club. I am being compensated and received a complimentary copy of the book...but the opinions, as always, are all my own. :)

I really love to read, and so these book reviews have been a fun way for me to take some time out of my busy days and nights to read books. All of the books I've read so far have been at least mildly entertaining, but this one was one that kept me the most engaged.

The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, is a story about Hazel, a teenager who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. At a support group meeting for kids with cancer, Hazel meets Augustus, and their love story begins. They are both witty and smart, and they share a love for reading. Hazel introduces Augustus to her favorite book, which leads them on an adventure to find the author. Throughout the story, there are tender moments, but there are also really hard, disappointing moments.

I really loved this novel because, unlike other kids with cancer books I've read (aka Six Months to Live, which I read in elementary school and felt so so so sad), Green didn't write the book to make you pity Hazel and Augustus. Sure, there are very sad moments, but overall, he portrayed them as typical teens, with typical teenage emotions and supernatural peace about how life goes on despite the hard things. If anything, it made me want to live as they were -- taking advantage of each day, as if it were their last.

Thanks for letting me share this book with you!

be....wait for it....ta!

This morning, I was waiting with beta breath.

Sorry, that was terrible. But when a good pun presents itself, I just can't pass up the opportunity to smack it across the room.

Anyhoodles...I went in for my beta this morning.

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Staring at my resurrected iPhone (huzzah!) and willing it to ring.

And ring it did.

My beta came back at 1315.

1315!!!

Friends...when I was pregnant with G and Elioenai, our first number was 464. Twins typically result in higher numbers. This one is almost triple that number.

TRIPLE!

BUT, my nurse said that sometimes frozen transfers result in higher numbers, she thinks it's a nice strong number. She tried to calm me down and (probably) prevent me from going on Google and researching typical betas.

Yeah, right.

But there is a large range of numbers that are possible for a singleton or twin pregnancy. So, I'm guessing we just have one very strong-willed baby in there...Lord help us. :)

One or two, I'm so excited.

Thank you, Lord, for letting Happy stick around.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm officially, officially pregnant!

4 weeks, 5 days down...35 weeks to go!!!