can't help myself

I'm probably the most impatient person I know.

Except for maybe G.

He is the most impatient person I know.

I know, I know. He gets it from me. He gets all the good stuff from me Mr. T.

Well, against the sage advice of REs and nurses everywhere, I took a home pregnancy test on Tuesday. I mean, for goodness sakes, our clinic (God bless them) is amazing, but they make you wait an ungodly amount of time for their blood tests. WAY longer than most clinics I know.

But, I digress.

Interestingly, I normally would have announced this news with a picture.

But when I was taking the picture of the test with my phone, G started crying and asking me to pick him up. Of course, we were in the bathroom. Of course, as soon as I picked him up, he was already hysterical and, in true "strong-willed" toddler fashion, he arched his back. And, of course, I started to bobble my phone and the baby at the same time.

My motherly instincts (the few I have managed to develop) told me to save the baby. So I had to sacrifice the iPhone.

It was like the scene out of a cartoon. The phone flew out of my hand with the perfect trajectory to land straight into the toilet with one fell plop. My awesome high school physics teacher, Mr. Barber, would be so proud that I remember what a trajectory is...given that I was probably his worst student in the history of time. (Holla, Apollo!!!)

If I had been patient enough to either listen to G screaming, or to take everything out of the bathroom, I might not be in this predicament.

But I'm impatient like that.

Ugh. So my iPhone is in the ICU, aka a bag of rice, in hopes that there was no permanent damage and that the rice will draw all of the moisture out.

Wah. My beloved iPhone. I feel so naked without a phone. So unconnected. I feel like I'm in college again, when my mom told me I couldn't get a pager, even though ALL of my friends had them.

Anyway. I totally digress.

Oh, so you want to know what happened?

TWO. PINK. LINES!!!! That's what happened!

I'm pretty sure I was shaking when I saw it. Shaking with disbelief. Shaking with giddyness. That was the mild earthquake you felt.

Perhaps shaking + holding a screaming toddler + iPhone + toilet is not a good idea. I've filed that lesson away for eternity. You can file it away, too. You're welcome.

Possibly the most freaking expensive home pregnancy test, ever.

But so totally worth it, so that we could tell G that there's a baby brother or sister inside my tummy, and then watch him wave at my tummy, say "baby", and give it the sweetest kisses ever. Sweet kisses that turned into raspberries and farting noises and general silliness. That's how we roll.

Of course, my official blood test isn't until Tuesday. So we were planning on keeping this under wraps until next week.

And yes, I know that the risk of miscarriage is still high until 12 weeks.

You don't have to remind me.

I know.

But I'm impatient like that.

And I covet your prayers like that.

And I want to celebrate Happy being with us every second I can.

Just ask Mr. T, who groaned loudly when I said, "So what do you think about the name....?"

Holy.

I'm pregnant!

Oh...and just one more thing...while this blog is totally public, and I don't mind sharing the news with you all...I do have people on Facebook that I would like to wait to share with for various reasons...so, if in doubt, please don't mention anything on Facebook or Twitter until we make an official announcement. :) Thanks!!!

my favorite

March 12 is one of my very favorite days.

It's one of my favorite because it's the day that my favorite person was born. (I'd like to sit here and write all of the things I love about my favorite, but I'd run out of space, and he'd be really embarrassed.)

He didn't want to do anything for his birthday, so we just went out to a family dinner at a local restaurant.

And even though it was his birthday, he let G sit next to him and fed him dinner. (No easy task with an increasingly stubborn 1 year old!)

That's just the kind of guy he is.

I like him so much, I got a pair of these, so no one would ever wonder who I belong to.

I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. Song of Solomon 6:3

thirty-five

I'm 35 today! THIRTY-FIVE!

A few days ago, I was telling my younger, hotter, hipper sister how much I have loved my thirties. Much more than my twenties. I just feel more comfortable in my own skin.

She told me it's because I have everything.

I don't know about that. But I do know that I'm blessed beyond words.

I'm so thankful for 35 years filled with love from all of the people God has put in my life. It's nothing short of our Almighty's grace and providence.

Looking forward to so many more!

spread the word

Every time I see or hear the R-word casually thrown around (and, unfortunately, I see it a lot), I cringe. Sometimes I try to give the benefit of the doubt, thinking that the person has disassociated the word from its origins.

But then I realize that they mean exactly what they are saying. 

And it's not right.

It's ignorant and demeaning.

I wonder if they know someone who has intellectual disabilities.

Because if they did, they would never ever ever EVER say that horrendous word.

I am privileged to know and love some amazing people with intellectual disabilities.

So, today, I'm pledging to spread the word to end the word.

Words count. They matter. They can destroy. They can heal. They can love.

Choose to love with your words today, friends.

To close, I'd like to share a video from an amazing blogger who has an awesome kid, Max. He just happens to have cerebral palsy.

hi-ho, hi-ho

After spending a fun morning with the G-man and getting an AWESOME massage, we headed over to Shady Grove in Rockville.

 

The pre-transfer massage was a very good decision. I was so relaxed!!!

 

Mr. T. was super confused about his role at this procedure. It's only been two years, friends...I was cracking up at the questions he was asking me. (Psssst....his role was to be my moral support and get instructions from the nurse about how he needs to pamper me for the next few days. ;))

 

I wore these white fluffy socks with pink flowers that my mom gave me. Mr. T. always laughs when I wear them. Sure, they look pretty goofy...but they are the warmest and most comfy socks ever. I thought white socks were appropriate because my baby is coming out of the deep freeze. Pink....is for....two pink lines...and maybe the privilege to buy some pink for this baby. Keep in mind that some boys can ROCK pink!!! ;)

 

And...introducing our baby Happy!!! When I was brainstorming names, I thought of Snow White, especially since we are going on a family vacay to Disney later this month and I am currently obsessed with the show Once, so we named our emby Happy and our *still* frozen emby is Sleepy. ;) Feel free to call me Snow White. Ha! 

Thankfully, the thaw went GREAT and 95% of the cells survived! Huzzah! Dr. Greenhouse was on call today, so he did our transfer (the first time he's done one of our procedures!) and everything went smoothly. Our embryologist mentioned that she recognized our names, so she looked into our records, and sure enough, she is the embryologist who did the ICSI procedure for Grant, Eli, Happy, Sleepy, Mun and Hoon! How neat is that???

So....now, I'm on bedrest for the next 24 hours. And I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)!!! Snuggle in, Happy, snuggle right in to Hotel Momma!!!

Coincidentally, we made a very quick stop to Bed Bath and Beyond (shhhh...don't tell Dr. G!), and I saw this pillow....

 

 

Happy to be PUPO!!!! Thanks so much for your encouragement and your prayers. EEEE!!!!

it's only a day away....

Tomorrow.

The sun will come out.

At noon, we'll be reunited with one of our little ones.

Praying for the thaw to go smoothly.

Excited to see that beautiful flash of light as my little one goes from catheter to womb.

Hopeful that s/he'll decide it's a nice place to hang out for about nine months.

It's happening.

It's really happening!!!

Again!

Please, Lord; please, do it.

Because now that I know the G-man, I know just how much I love this little one.

Dear little one: Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow! It's only a day away!!!

cheer up sleepy jean

Sadly, my childhood crush is gone.

My cousin and I spent countless hours watching Monkees reruns and reenacting them when we were little. Davy Jones was always my boyfriend. What a dreamboat. I'm a little sad about his unexpected and early departure. Rest in peace, Davy Jones. Thanks for being my first "boyfriend."

Anyway, back to life. Back to reality. (back to life, back to reality....)

I had my monitoring appointment yesterday. My uterine lining measured 16mm (8mm+ is a good number), there were no big follicles (big follicles = big nono in an FET), and the bloodwork came back normal, so we are still on for a March 6 transfer! Woohoo!

We've also decided to transfer one embryo. At the end of the day, I realized that I have a parental duty to protect these embryos and give them the best chance they have at life. I do not want to knowingly increase the chances of preterm labor or developmental delays or even prenatal or neonatal death for either of them. I also have a responbility to parent G-man. If I get pregnant with twins, I would probably have to go on bedrest and not be able to enjoy the G-man's second year, never mind his third year when the babies would actually be here. He is part of this family, and his needs are a big factor (and rightfully so!) in this decision. Mr. T. is like 100 percent sure. I'm like 65 percent sure. Which, yeah, I don't get, either, when you lay it all out like the way I just did.

But, again, it's about trusting God, decision by decision and moment by moment. Sometimes, I just feel like He's saying, "Tina, do you trust me? I totally got this."

Yup. He totally does.