firsts

So...yesterday was Grant's first day of school.  It was hectic trying to get everything together and out of the house...fortunately, I packed most everything we needed the night before.

Well...when we got there, it was just as hectic trying to get Grant all settled.  I forgot my regular camera, so I took a picture on my camera phone to memorialize the occasion.

Doesn't he look like such a big boy?  He barely looked at me long enough to take this picture.  He was so interested in the other kiddies and the toys!  

It's a good thing, though, because I had tears in my eyes, and I didn't want him to see those...'cause I heard that kids can pick up on your anxiety or sadness, and I didn't want him to be sad.

I was fine until I called a few hours later and heard him crying in the background.  And then I proceeded to have a mini-battle with the care provider about how much breastmilk I should be sending.  She said that he cried after his milk was done, so she recommended that I send 6 oz. bottles.  Now...I've done lots of research and learned that breastfed babies a) need only 3-4 oz. per feeding, b) might need to be fed more frequently, c) don't understand how to control how fast they are drinking, so there are lots of techniques you should employ when feeding.  

Anyhoo, I'm trying not to be a psycho mom my first week there.  I'm gonna try sending an extra bottle, and see if that helps.  I may have to supplement with formula, but I'm gonna try and drink lactation tea and up my supply and see how that goes.  I know I'm in for a battle with the day care people, but I'll tough it out for a week before I take it to the director.

Oh...and G got sick ALREADY!!!  It's his first time being sick, ever, so I'm a little nervous...and we're home today.  He's in good spirits, but is congested, coughing, and warm to the touch...so I'll take him to the doctor, only because he is so young and it's his first sickness.  And I need to know the tylenol dosage. :)

Oh...and it's my first birthday x 34 today. :)  I wish Grant were well, but I'm glad I get to spend my first birthday with him.  And we'll wait for my main squeeze to get home tonight to celebrate...probably with take out.  Or I'll cook myself a birthday meal.  (Probably not. LOL.)  

Best.birthday.ever.

baek-il

100. One-hundred. Cien. Cent. Baek.


Grant turned 100 days old yesterday.  In Korean culture, the 100th day, or baek-il, of a child's life is cause for big celebration.  I found this explanation online:

Why Koreans celebrate their baby’s baekil (100 day):

- Celebration of life

Historically, many newborns didn’t make it to their first 100th day because of poverty, lack of medical aid, bad hygienic surroundings, or general weak immune system of infants.  So when a baby survives the difficult first 100 days, her parents celebrate the blessing of life and wish the baby good health and future luck.

- Confusing math: a baby becomes a year old on her 100th day!

On the baby’s 100th day in this world, she’s existed for 365 days since she was created in  the womb.  It’s said the duration of pregnancy is 280 days, but that’s based on the menstrual cycle.  From the actual conception date, the length of pregnancy is about 265 days.  So it becomes 365 days when a baby becomes 100 days old.  So baek-il is really another dol (first birthday party in Korean) congratulating the baby’s successful first year!

- Koreans love the number 100!

It’s not just a coincidence that couples celebrate the first 100th day of dating with 100 roses.  It’s because the number 100 is significant in Korean culture. 100 means fullness and completion.  As young couples who have reached a milestone(!) of relationship on their 100th day, a baby has accomplished so much and significantly grown for her first 100 days.  Koreans even have an expression “The miracle of baekil”(백일의 기적) to praise their babies when babies start to know the difference of  day and night, and sleep more hours at night around their 100 day.  Baek-il is to celebrate growth for babies’ first 100 days!

We had a great celebration with family and friends.  My mom started preparing the for the feast on Tuesday, and woke up at 3:00 a.m. Saturday morning to start cooking--and let me tell you...the food was AMAZING!  My sister came over on Friday night and helped bake, too!

I'll just share some pictures of the festivities now....and, of course, my little man of the day, Grant!

My mom made all of this delicious food!

My sister and I baked.

I was going to buy some expensive cupcakes but decided to just make my own. :)

Isn't he handsome?

Ugh...I love my baby...my baby weight, not so much.....

G hung out with some buddies.

All that partying left G one tired little guy!

working momma

It's official, folks.

I'm a working mom...at the end of my first week back since the G-man was born.  And you know what?  It's not as bad as I thought it would be!

Don't get me wrong.

I cried.  A lot.  A LOT!

I cried myself to sleep the night before I came into the office.  I cried in the morning while I nursed him.  I cried as I hugged him and told him how sorry I was that I had to go to work, but how much I love him.  I cried when I handed him off to my mom and walked down the stairs.  I cried in the car ride over.  I teared up throughout the day.

But I made it through the first day.

And on the second day, I cried when I nursed him.  I cried when I told him how much I love him.  I cried when I handed him over to my mom.  And I teared up throughout the day.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

But, friends...I made it through the week...with a few tears here and there...but, seeing my boy when I get home...that smile...that beautiful, wonderful smile...it reminds me why I am working.

Not so I can have lots of stuff.

Not so he can have lots of stuff.

But because I know it will make me a better mom.

See...when God made me, He didn't give a strong dose of the stay-at-home-mom gene.  I'm not gonna lie...I kind of wish He had...but He didn't.

So, I know that it is good for Grant and me to work for a lot of reasons.  And when I get home, I treasure treasure treasure the moments we have together.

Even the "Hey-mom,-since-you're-not-at-home-during-the-day,-I've-decided-to-wake-up-every-2-hours-to-eat-during-the-night" moments.  I may be one tired momma...but I'm one happy momma knowing that he still loves me and wants to be close to me.

This working momma thing isn't too bad. 

But...let's leave the jury out on the tears until my momma leaves and I have to start taking him to daycare.  That's a whole 'nother ball game.

:)

buddies

There are so many people who have supported us in this journey.  Each and every person who has talked with us, cried with us, and prayed with us has been a huge gift from God.  He has used so many people as tangible expressions of His love, and we are so grateful for them.

One couple, Peter and Grace, in particular, has been so special to us, because we happened to walk through the deepest valley of our infertility journey together.

I cannot say enough how much of a God-send this lovely couple has been to us.  Because we were in the throes of infertility at the same time, we were able to share all of the most difficult and ugly emotions with them in a way that we couldn't share with anyone else.

When we found out that I was pregnant with Grant, we called Grace and Peter right away.  I admit, I was so nervous....because I didn't know how they would react.

They responded with so much grace (no pun intended) and love that my nervousness was totally unwarranted.

But amazingly, they had just found out they were "paper pregnant" and were matched with their sweet son, Choi Boy (CB).  We were so amazed at the timing!

Coincidence?

I think not.

Providence?

YES!

And should I be surprised at God's perfect timing?

NEVER!

Anyway, as Grant grew in my womb, CB grew in all of our hearts, but especially his momma and daddy's hearts.

And...just a few weeks after Grant made his grand appearance in the world, Grace and Peter brought their precious son home!

Isn't he adorable?!?!?!  If you think he's cute, you should meet the boy.  He'll melt your heart in a minute!  In fact, you can get more of this cutie patootie at Grace's fabulous blog.

And they are so cute together!!!

They're going to be buddies, I just know it.  Well...Grant is probably going to follow his hyung (older brother in Korean) around and beg to be included in "big boy" activities. :)

God is good.  He knows exactly what we needed.  And His timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Two precious gifts, to heal four broken hearts.

milestones

Yesterday, my baby rolled over for the first time!  Well...let me rephrase that.  He rolled over for the first time while awake and not screaming his head off.   (A month and a half ago, I found him rolled over in his bassinet in the middle of the night crying...I think his anger, and not motor skills propelled him over...and he had not rolled over since.)

Anyhoo, I was putting him in his crib for his first ever crib nap, and he rolled over!!! Let me tell ya, I was one happy and proud momma.  I think I scared him with my screams.  But I made him do it over for the camera, of course...;)  Wanna see?

Pardon my high-pitched screaming at the end.  I like how he fist pumps when I say, "Yay! You did it!"  HAHAHAHA.

Can you imagine what a lunatic I'll act like when he's playing sports?  Or sings that solo at his choir concert?  (Tom may not think that his boy will be in choir, but let me tell you, he's never happier than when we're singing songs together...or jumping up and down...so, choir and sports, it is!  Heehee.)

Oy.

The other milestone he reached yesterday was sucking his thumb.  He had found his fist last week, but worked diligently on figuring out how to suck a thumb or finger effectively.  I tried to take a picture, but I kept waking him up on accident.  Oops.  So, yeah, no picture.

At the end of the day, I was thinking about what my little guy accomplished in the day and I started sobbing.  On the one hand, I was so thankful that I got to see these milestones for the first time.  On the other hand, I realized that I'm gonna miss a lot more milestones when I go back to work.

I'm going to ask my daycare provider to not tell me if he does something for the first time, so that when I see it, it'll be like the first time.  It will be the first time for me, anyway.

But time is ticking away, and I will be back at work this time next week.  I'm praying for strength!!!

five years ago today...

I said, "I do" to the love of my life, and sealed our vows with a kiss.

Perhaps, naively, I might add...because I had no idea the storms we'd have to weather.

We had a lot of betters, and for them, I am so so grateful.

But I treasure our worses, too.

Because they showed me how incredibly awesome Tom is, and how indescribably lucky I am.

I think we're gonna make it. :)

Oh, and in case you didn't know...we made one heck of a cutie.

Who happens to have come out of our worst, and is most definitely our best.

Happy anniversary, Tom.  You're the most amazing, selfless, hilarious, kind person I know, and I love you more everyday.  

G & I are lucky to be yours.

Here's to (at least) 50 more!

growing pains

Hi friends!

Sorry I've been absent from the bloggy world for a bit of time.  My maternity leave is quickly coming to an end, and I've been trying to savor every moment with my little man.

I've been having a hard time about going back to work.

A really hard time.

Don't get me wrong...I have a great job, and I don't think I have the calling to be a stay at home mom.  But, after being with my little man every day for the last three months, I just can't imagine not seeing him all day.

I mean...look at this face!

*Please excuse me while I go and have a nice long cry.*


Ugh.  I know I can't have it all.  I've known that this was going to be hard.  And I know that, in the long run, it is what is best for my family.

But I'm gonna miss him.  I miss the little peanut already, and we're together right now.

I am a mess.

Sigh.