Hello friends! Yesterday, the bean turned 20 weeks--which is the official halfway mark in the countdown for his/her big arrival into the outside world! :) S/he's the size of a banana now:
Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)
He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).
We are going tomorrow morning to our MFM for our level II sonogram. We'll see what's going on with the bean's spine and, hopefully, the bean will show us "the goods" so we can start planning in pink or blue. Tom thinks the bean is a boy, but I think it's a girl. Either way, we'll be thrilled--and I can't wait to see the little one again (it's been 2 whole months!). Only one of us can be right...so we'll see! :)
What do you think the bean will be? Boy or girl?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
19 weeks: to-may-to, to-mah-to
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.
Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.
It's really fun feeling the bean move around. And now, it's much much easier to hear its little heartbeat! Every day, Tom and I are more amazed that we are getting this wonderful privilege to be parents to our little one. It is unreal that there's a little one swimming around inside of me. And only one more week until we get to see the bean and find out if we'll be on team pink or blue! So fun!
Hope you all had a fun, safe 4th of July!
Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.
It's really fun feeling the bean move around. And now, it's much much easier to hear its little heartbeat! Every day, Tom and I are more amazed that we are getting this wonderful privilege to be parents to our little one. It is unreal that there's a little one swimming around inside of me. And only one more week until we get to see the bean and find out if we'll be on team pink or blue! So fun!
Hope you all had a fun, safe 4th of July!
Friday, July 2, 2010
psa: just breathe
Have any of you other wives out there noticed that when you tell your hubby he should do something, it's considered nagging...but the minute a friend of his tells him the EXACT same thing, it's great advice? Yeah, same here.
Ever since we got married, I've been telling Tom to get a sleep test done because I think he has sleep apnea. For any of you that have had the pleasure of experiencing Tom's snoring, you'll probably agree that it's pretty severe. Learning to sleep through those awesome sounds when we first got married was...um...a feat that I am quite proud of. But I started noticing that the poor man would stop breathing for extended periods of time, and I was really worried.
To make a long story short, Tom ended up talking to a guy at our church who runs a sleep center. After 4 years of my nagging...he FINALLY thought, "Hmm...maybe I have sleep apnea?" and decided to ask his primary care doc for a referral. I actually think one of the reasons he did it was because of our bean...he may not be concerned about making me a widow, but I'm sure he was concerned about leaving his baby. So...one night last month, off he went to the sleep center for an overnighter, and he sent me this pic:
Ever since we got married, I've been telling Tom to get a sleep test done because I think he has sleep apnea. For any of you that have had the pleasure of experiencing Tom's snoring, you'll probably agree that it's pretty severe. Learning to sleep through those awesome sounds when we first got married was...um...a feat that I am quite proud of. But I started noticing that the poor man would stop breathing for extended periods of time, and I was really worried.
To make a long story short, Tom ended up talking to a guy at our church who runs a sleep center. After 4 years of my nagging...he FINALLY thought, "Hmm...maybe I have sleep apnea?" and decided to ask his primary care doc for a referral. I actually think one of the reasons he did it was because of our bean...he may not be concerned about making me a widow, but I'm sure he was concerned about leaving his baby. So...one night last month, off he went to the sleep center for an overnighter, and he sent me this pic:
Haha, too funny. He said it was really uncomfortable and that the stuff they used to attach those sensors to his head got all over his hair. I was just happy that he went. ESPECIALLY when he got his results. Basically, the doctor said that he stops breathing for up to 45 seconds at a time. She was alarmed by the results because Tom's only 34 years old. She also said that Asian men tend to have sleep apnea because they have smaller windpipes. So...two weeks ago, Tom got this awesome looking contraption:
Tom calls this his Darth Vader mask. I don't care what he calls it, I LOVE IT! After he wore it the first night he brought it home, I slept like a baby! Of course, each night is a battle between Darth Vader and his mask, and some nights Tom rips it off without even knowing it (although he kept it on all night last night!). More than anything, I'm just glad he got it because of the health impacts of sleep apnea--it's bad for your heart, bad for your brain, and just overall bad for your body. Now I have all these women at our church who are convinced their husbands have apnea. :)
And the moral of today's story kids, is this: your wife is always right. :) HAHAHA! Happy Friday!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
18 weeks: dr. google
Hi everyone!
I just realized that we're almost done with this week and I haven't posted my 18 week update about the bean:
Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.
I'm happy to report that, for the first time, I felt the bean poke me yesterday! It was really different from anything else I've felt, and it was really exciting. It's also been fun trying to find the bean's heartbeat...well, sometimes it's nervewracking trying to find it, but it's always exciting to hear it. :) I've been trying to count the number of heart beats per minute, and it has consistently hovered around 144. I consulted Dr. Google, and it seems like this is within the average range. Yay! :)
Speaking of Dr. Google, one of the OBs at my OB's practice (there are a potential SIX OBs that will be delivering the bean) called me yesterday with some more bloodwork results. It turns out that 1/2 of my hemoglobins are abnormal. Specifically, I have 50% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia and 50% normal hemoglobins. The OB said she had never heard of this, and so she had to Google it. I had to laugh a little bit because I am obsessed with Dr. Google, and my friend A always laughs at me because I Google every little symptom I have and try to diagnose myself all the time. I am a Google hypochondriac. But hey, I love Google. And see? My OB even had to consult Dr. Google. Anyway, I digress. Based on my OB's Google research, she said that it is extremely rare, and that of reported pregnancies, those with even 100% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia did not have pregnancy complications. But she wants me to tell the MFM (the specialist) about our results since they are the experts in high-risk pregnancy.
I did try to Google it yesterday but the only things that came up were medical reports and abstracts of studies that I didn't bother to read because I think I have to go to some medical library to find them...then find a doctor who will help me interpret what I'm reading (science...zzzz.....). The only thing I can guess from my limited research (and the fact that my OB has never heard of it) is that it is REALLY rare. I'll be seeing the MFM in a week and a half, so I'll just hold my horses. I am annoyed at my hemoglobins, though. Well, I'm only annoyed at half of them. Hehehe.
Oh, the OB (who is different from the OB who called me on Monday) also tried to reassure me that the bean is probably doing fine, and that elevated levels of AFP are probably the result of Elioenai's spinal cord still being in my body. Ok, I'll take it. Today, I will choose hope and joy, rather than fear.
I just realized that we're almost done with this week and I haven't posted my 18 week update about the bean:
Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.
I'm happy to report that, for the first time, I felt the bean poke me yesterday! It was really different from anything else I've felt, and it was really exciting. It's also been fun trying to find the bean's heartbeat...well, sometimes it's nervewracking trying to find it, but it's always exciting to hear it. :) I've been trying to count the number of heart beats per minute, and it has consistently hovered around 144. I consulted Dr. Google, and it seems like this is within the average range. Yay! :)
Speaking of Dr. Google, one of the OBs at my OB's practice (there are a potential SIX OBs that will be delivering the bean) called me yesterday with some more bloodwork results. It turns out that 1/2 of my hemoglobins are abnormal. Specifically, I have 50% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia and 50% normal hemoglobins. The OB said she had never heard of this, and so she had to Google it. I had to laugh a little bit because I am obsessed with Dr. Google, and my friend A always laughs at me because I Google every little symptom I have and try to diagnose myself all the time. I am a Google hypochondriac. But hey, I love Google. And see? My OB even had to consult Dr. Google. Anyway, I digress. Based on my OB's Google research, she said that it is extremely rare, and that of reported pregnancies, those with even 100% Hemoglobin Athens-Georgia did not have pregnancy complications. But she wants me to tell the MFM (the specialist) about our results since they are the experts in high-risk pregnancy.
I did try to Google it yesterday but the only things that came up were medical reports and abstracts of studies that I didn't bother to read because I think I have to go to some medical library to find them...then find a doctor who will help me interpret what I'm reading (science...zzzz.....). The only thing I can guess from my limited research (and the fact that my OB has never heard of it) is that it is REALLY rare. I'll be seeing the MFM in a week and a half, so I'll just hold my horses. I am annoyed at my hemoglobins, though. Well, I'm only annoyed at half of them. Hehehe.
Oh, the OB (who is different from the OB who called me on Monday) also tried to reassure me that the bean is probably doing fine, and that elevated levels of AFP are probably the result of Elioenai's spinal cord still being in my body. Ok, I'll take it. Today, I will choose hope and joy, rather than fear.
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Isaiah 12:2
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
fearful firstborn
I wish I were a stronger person, but I cannot help being fearful of so many things. Recently, I realized a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a firstborn child. I've observed many parents with their firstborns...they hover around them, chase after them, sterilize everything, and you always hear, "Be careful! That's dangerous!" Then the second and third kids come around, and the kids fall on the ground and their parents say, "Oh, it's okay." The pacifier falls on the floor, and the parents just pick it up and wipe it on their pants and stick it right back in the baby's mouth. I was always the kid who was afraid of everything. When my siblings and cousins would be doing things that I thought were dangerous, I'd just sit in the back and watch. I have an active imagination, so I could just imagine all of the things that could go wrong. Some might say that my profession is a perfect fit, because lawyers are typically thought of as risk-averse "naysayers" who dream up every possible bad scenario for their clients (all in the name of being a good counselor, of course!).
Well, I would be lying if I said that I haven't been fearful throughout this entire journey. And I can't even begin to tell you about the things that run through my mind about our bean and this pregnancy. With each ultrasound and each test, I expect to hear really bad news. Though I bought Tom a fetal doppler for my own peace of mind, I held off on buying it for a long time, because I didn't know if I really wanted to put myself in the position to be the one who can't find my baby's heartbeat. I've already freaked out a couple of times, thinking there is no heartbeat...each time, Tom has calmly come over and found the heartbeat. The bean must really like daddy. So do I. What would I do without my strong husband?
I went in last Friday to get my second trimester bloodwork done, a test mainly for spina bifida, a neural tube birth defect, which can be very severe and require surgery for treatment, although surgery may not completely resolve the problem. My OB's office called me yesterday with the results--my test for spina bifida showed that I had elevated levels of alpha-fetoprotein (AFP), which may be an indicator for spina bifida. My OB told me not to freak out yet, because she thinks that it might have to do with Elioenai's body still being in my body. I tried, friends. I really did. I tried not to freak out. But I couldn't help it. I freaked out. And I cried. And I googled. And the whole time, I couldn't help but ask God why this has to be SO hard...and why just one thing couldn't be easy.
My OB is referring me to a fetal specialist to get an ultrasound to make sure that everything is okay. I'm trying not to think about the worst case scenarios and let fear get the best of me. I know that these tests often yield false positives. I know that Elioenai's body might have something to do with it. I know that everything could very well be just fine. I know we just need to get the ultrasound to see what is going on. And whatever happens, we will deal with it and praise God for our bean. But I am scared for our little bean. I just want him/her to be ok. Unfortunately, the specialist can't see us until 7/13, and when you're worried, that seems like a lifetime away. I'm praying that God will calm this anxious heart until then.
Well, I would be lying if I said that I haven't been fearful throughout this entire journey. And I can't even begin to tell you about the things that run through my mind about our bean and this pregnancy. With each ultrasound and each test, I expect to hear really bad news. Though I bought Tom a fetal doppler for my own peace of mind, I held off on buying it for a long time, because I didn't know if I really wanted to put myself in the position to be the one who can't find my baby's heartbeat. I've already freaked out a couple of times, thinking there is no heartbeat...each time, Tom has calmly come over and found the heartbeat. The bean must really like daddy. So do I. What would I do without my strong husband?
I went in last Friday to get my second trimester bloodwork done, a test mainly for spina bifida, a neural tube birth defect, which can be very severe and require surgery for treatment, although surgery may not completely resolve the problem. My OB's office called me yesterday with the results--my test for spina bifida showed that I had elevated levels of alpha-fetoprotein (AFP), which may be an indicator for spina bifida. My OB told me not to freak out yet, because she thinks that it might have to do with Elioenai's body still being in my body. I tried, friends. I really did. I tried not to freak out. But I couldn't help it. I freaked out. And I cried. And I googled. And the whole time, I couldn't help but ask God why this has to be SO hard...and why just one thing couldn't be easy.
My OB is referring me to a fetal specialist to get an ultrasound to make sure that everything is okay. I'm trying not to think about the worst case scenarios and let fear get the best of me. I know that these tests often yield false positives. I know that Elioenai's body might have something to do with it. I know that everything could very well be just fine. I know we just need to get the ultrasound to see what is going on. And whatever happens, we will deal with it and praise God for our bean. But I am scared for our little bean. I just want him/her to be ok. Unfortunately, the specialist can't see us until 7/13, and when you're worried, that seems like a lifetime away. I'm praying that God will calm this anxious heart until then.
Friday, June 25, 2010
what IF?
Happy Friday, friends! I wanted to post a poignant and moving video from someone I only just discovered on the web, but who I can relate to so well (IF is the abbreviation commonly used for infertility):
I love this video. It is so simple and so beautifully done. Thanks, Keiko, for sharing this with the world.
I love this video. It is so simple and so beautifully done. Thanks, Keiko, for sharing this with the world.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
17 weeks: a turnip of events
Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.
My little turnip. :) It seems like the bean is growing faster and faster. I've been having quite a few dreams about the bean lately. In all of them, the bean is a little girl. Which is funny, considering the fact that, up until about 2 weeks ago, I was convinced I was having a boy. And now I feel like it'll be a girl. Either way, we'll be so excited. And we get to find out in only 2 1/2 weeks! Hooray!
A lot has happened since I last posted. Tom and I decided to get trees planted in our backyard. Two to be exact. One for our sweet Elioenai, and one for the bean. They are our twin trees--a maple and a river birch. Different, but the same. Both alive...just like our babies--one alive here and one alive in heaven. As I've been processing our loss of Eli, I have been wondering how to tell our little bean about his/her twin. When we decided to get the trees planted, I realized it would be a great way to tell the bean about Eli. I don't want to pretend like Eli never existed. But with only a few precious pictures of Eli, I wasn't sure how we'd do it. Hopefully, the trees will help the bean from even a very young age begin to understand that he/she had a sibling. I've also been contemplating planting some sort of memorial garden in our front yard--maybe a hydrangea bush for our little lost embies. But that may be a project we will defer until later. Anyways, here is a picture of our new baby trees:
Also a huge thank you to my paternal grandfather--who showed up in my dream on Father's Day to hold my sweet bean--who passed away my senior year of high school. He lived with us and helped raise me from the day I was born. He was the sweetest grandpa you could ask for. Sure, sometimes he was grumpy, as grumpy old men can be, but for the most part, his love for his grandchildren and his children was so evident in whatever he did. He loved to ride Jen's pink banana seat bike around the neighborhood ("Hey, I saw your grandpa riding your sister's bike yesterday!"), wash the driveway (we thought that was normal), wrap fried chicken in napkins at the buffet and stuff them into my grandma's huge purse (I always thought we were gonna get caught), make ramen or hotdog kimchee chigae (still my favorite comfort foods) in time for us kids to eat when we got home from school, and was just all around a great grandpa.
A thank you, too, to my maternal grandfather, who loves to tell stories and share his opinions about the world in general. When I was in law school and I'd visit him, he'd love to buy me jjajangmyun and tell me about his life in Koreatown. He was quite adept at getting around Koreatown via the bus system, and before my uncle decided to move to Orange County, would never miss a day without visiting and hanging out with my grandmother in her nursing home.
Finally, a happy first Father's Day to my dear Tom. He's so great with children and every time I see him with other babies/kids, I get more and more excited to see what kind of dad he's going to be. I think he'll be the funnest dad around and that the bean is going to have him wrapped around its little finger. Oh, I can't wait.
Well, I think I've extended my welcome here. Hope you all had a great time celebrating the fathers in your lives this weekend. Bye bye!
My little turnip. :) It seems like the bean is growing faster and faster. I've been having quite a few dreams about the bean lately. In all of them, the bean is a little girl. Which is funny, considering the fact that, up until about 2 weeks ago, I was convinced I was having a boy. And now I feel like it'll be a girl. Either way, we'll be so excited. And we get to find out in only 2 1/2 weeks! Hooray!
A lot has happened since I last posted. Tom and I decided to get trees planted in our backyard. Two to be exact. One for our sweet Elioenai, and one for the bean. They are our twin trees--a maple and a river birch. Different, but the same. Both alive...just like our babies--one alive here and one alive in heaven. As I've been processing our loss of Eli, I have been wondering how to tell our little bean about his/her twin. When we decided to get the trees planted, I realized it would be a great way to tell the bean about Eli. I don't want to pretend like Eli never existed. But with only a few precious pictures of Eli, I wasn't sure how we'd do it. Hopefully, the trees will help the bean from even a very young age begin to understand that he/she had a sibling. I've also been contemplating planting some sort of memorial garden in our front yard--maybe a hydrangea bush for our little lost embies. But that may be a project we will defer until later. Anyways, here is a picture of our new baby trees:
Father's Day also came and went. Tom was on a camping trip all weekend, so we didn't get to celebrate. But, I wanted to say how much I've appreciated all the men in my life. First, to my sweet daddy, who is so sacrificial and loving, gave me confidence to be whoever I wanted, never ceases to make me laugh, and, most importantly, loves my mommy more than anyone on earth (and isn't afraid to show us kids--sometimes sweet, sometimes gross!). He is amazing. And he is really the reason why I knew I would meet someone as great as Tom someday.
Also a huge thank you to my paternal grandfather--who showed up in my dream on Father's Day to hold my sweet bean--who passed away my senior year of high school. He lived with us and helped raise me from the day I was born. He was the sweetest grandpa you could ask for. Sure, sometimes he was grumpy, as grumpy old men can be, but for the most part, his love for his grandchildren and his children was so evident in whatever he did. He loved to ride Jen's pink banana seat bike around the neighborhood ("Hey, I saw your grandpa riding your sister's bike yesterday!"), wash the driveway (we thought that was normal), wrap fried chicken in napkins at the buffet and stuff them into my grandma's huge purse (I always thought we were gonna get caught), make ramen or hotdog kimchee chigae (still my favorite comfort foods) in time for us kids to eat when we got home from school, and was just all around a great grandpa.
A thank you, too, to my maternal grandfather, who loves to tell stories and share his opinions about the world in general. When I was in law school and I'd visit him, he'd love to buy me jjajangmyun and tell me about his life in Koreatown. He was quite adept at getting around Koreatown via the bus system, and before my uncle decided to move to Orange County, would never miss a day without visiting and hanging out with my grandmother in her nursing home.
Finally, a happy first Father's Day to my dear Tom. He's so great with children and every time I see him with other babies/kids, I get more and more excited to see what kind of dad he's going to be. I think he'll be the funnest dad around and that the bean is going to have him wrapped around its little finger. Oh, I can't wait.
Well, I think I've extended my welcome here. Hope you all had a great time celebrating the fathers in your lives this weekend. Bye bye!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
